Showing posts with label chronic illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chronic illness. Show all posts

Monday, August 22, 2011

Guest Post - Healing Words

Check out Invisible Illness Week's blog right here for my guest post today "Healing Words," an article which was recently featured here at A Fragile Faith. Invisible Illness Week is an annual event hosted by Lisa Copen of Rest Ministries


and is designed to raise awareness about chronic illness and provide resources for those of us who live with a chronic health condition. Invisible Illness Awareness Week is September 12-18, 2011, and the theme is "Deep Breath, Start Fresh."

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Healing Words


"The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." -Proverbs 12:18

Yesterday I had a great conversation with a health and fitness coach with whom I recently started working. Not only did she give me some great ideas to work toward my personal goals, but I also found myself leaving the conversation with a lot more hope than I've felt in a long time. It's interesting I should be so hopeful because I'm really having a tough time physically right now. And we also spent a fair amount of time discussing my past history of chronic illness, a topic that usually drains me and makes me sad. Instead, she was able to focus on the accomplishments I've made in the past two years toward a healthier me.

I later realized my coach did a simple yet powerful thing: she used her words to bring healing. Healing to my spirit and even to my body. After we spoke I was more inspired to remain on the path of a healthy lifestyle, and I was so energized by hope that I went ahead and started my new exercise program that I've been putting off for months because I didn't feel well enough to try. Which, in turn, inspired me to eat healthy and work out again today. And maybe I'm imagining things, but my current flaring health symptoms seem to be better too.

Recently I've had a lot of reckless words spoken into my life and my health situation. Well-meaning family members, friends, and doctors have said things that to some degree, robbed me of hope, faith, and joy. It's been a fierce battle in my heart to fight off the constant barrage of negativity their words created. What a contrast with my experience yesterday!

This is a great lesson for all of us. Before we share that "helpful" idea or something "the Lord laid on our heart" that our loved one "needs" to hear, let's ask ourselves if we are planting seeds of hope and healing or if we are truly piercing them with the sword of our reckless words.


"Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." -Psalm 141:3

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

A Work in Progress


"If you eat so healthy, take nutritional supplements, filter your water, try to avoid chemicals, and do all these healthy things, why are you so sick?"

I get this question a lot. Especially if, out of concern for a loved one's health, I recommend something natural for a health problem they're suffering with. And if they don't say it, I still sometimes get a look that says, "Why should I take YOUR advice on being healthy? I'm healthier than you!" I get it. And if you've ever wondered that, here's my answer.

1. It took YEARS for me to get this ill. It's going to take years to undo the damage. I had health problems as a child and have had serious chronic conditions for over half my life.

2. The longer you go with an undiagnosed, misdiagnosed, or improperly treated health condition, the more damage is done to your body, the more health conditions you develop, and the harder it is to get a handle on them.

3. I wasted a lot of years doing the wrong things. These are some of those things:

...Letting traditional medicine doctors "practice" medicine on me by doing surgeries, giving me all kinds of pharmaceutical drugs to treat symptoms, run diagnostic test after diagnostic test, and just overall being on a "treadmill" of conventional medicine. Which made me more and more ill.

...Getting sick of traditional medicine and therefore ignoring it completely and trying to "heal myself" with my own knowledge.

...Trying every alternative method of healing under the sun like juicing, fasting, taking supplements, making drastic dietary changes, all without any supervision or knowing the underlying CAUSE of my health condition.

4. Everyone experiences setbacks on the path to wherever they're going. That doesn't mean you're on the wrong path; sometimes it just means you need to make an adjustment.

5. I don't know everything. Honestly, most of what I've discovered about my health conditions has been through my own research, not from what I've learned from medical professionals. There is a lot of misinformation out there, making the right information hard to find. I'm always learning and discovering new pieces to the puzzle. It's hard work and takes a lot of fortitude.

6. Look how far I've come! If you've known me for any length of time, you know I've been through a lifetime of physical suffering. And you also know that in the past few years, I've had some really big improvements. You won't see me on the cover of any health and fitness magazines, but my quality of life has drastically changed since I discovered the following:

...When you already have debilitating illness, you can't choose either traditional or alternative medicine to the exclusion of the other. I tried it both ways, and I've found that the best thing to do is use integrated medicine. That means you make wise decisions about everything you put into your body and try to choose things that are the least invasive and the least foreign to your body. Occasionally, that requires taking traditional medicines.

...When you have new symptoms, rather than look for a diagnosis and something to treat those symptoms, look for the CAUSE. Everything in the body is related to the body as a whole.

...No matter how healthy you eat, if you have untreated hormone deficiencies or organs in your endocrine system that are failing, you will not feel well because hormones affect everything. I've been blessed to discover some information that finally has me on the path to healing my hormone issues.

So be patient. Don't judge me yet. I am a work in progress.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on..." Philippians 3:12

Thursday, July 14, 2011

You're Fired!



Two minutes into my appointment my narcolepsy specialist basically pulls a Donald Trump and tells me he no longer wants to be my doctor. Why? Because he just found out I'm taking hydrocortisone for severe adrenal fatigue. He tells me there's no such thing as adrenal fatigue and that I'm getting "bad information" from my doctor. He said, "You do NOT have adrenal disease. Have you ever SEEN what a person looks like who ACTUALLY has adrenal disease"? To which I reply, "Yep. Every time I look in the mirror." I also told him that I was not asking his advice on hormone-related issues, just as I don't ask my hormone specialist to treat or advise on my narcolepsy.

I've butted heads with this doctor before over my holistic and integrated approach to medical treatment. But he's used to "knowing everything" and having patients just blindly accept his advice. The problem is, the drugs he had me on caused me to gain 70 pounds, made my depression worse, gave me kidney stones, atrial flutter, stomach ulcers, tooth enamel damage, etc. At one point, I had to decide that the pharmaceutical cocktails were only making me worse. He's had a bee in his bonnet ever since.

Ordinarily, I would have already said "sayonara" to a doctor with such an obvious god complex. I mean, I don't drive ten hours round-trip to see this guy because he's so warm and fuzzy. The problem is, he's the only doctor I've found that is knowledgeable about narcolepsy with cataplexy and is willing and able to prescribe Xyrem, the medicine I take that helps me to get restorative sleep. It's the ONLY narcolepsy-related pharmaceutical that I take, and I have found NOTHING else that comes to close to working well for me. In addition, I'm smack-dab in the middle of my Social Security Disability case, and he's the main doctor that is providing documentation of my disability.

So three minutes into my appointment, I go into a full cataplexy attack. Meanwhile, he's telling my husband that 5-htp, which I'm taking instead of antidepressants to help treat catapexy, killed a bunch of people several years ago. Total lie. And that it comes from China. Total misinformation. I don't know if he learned his scare tactics from the democratic party or what. There was a tainted batch of L-tryptophan that killed some people many years ago. But 5-htp is NOT L-tryptophan. And the company that makes it does not get their ingredients from China.

Two cataplexy attacks later, I leave with the answer to only ONE of the narcolepsy-related questions I needed addressed at this semi-annual visit. So he did at least decrease my Xyrem dose to address the sleep eating problem. Apparently this is common when your dose is too high. Who knew? I've gained about 15 pounds since I started sleep eating, so at least one positive thing came out of the visit. But now I have start all over with a new doctor, after I had to fight my HMO to get special permission to go outside my service area to see THIS winner. If anyone knows of a narcolepsy specialist in the Northeast Florida area that doesn't have H.U.B. Disease, AND is knowledgeable about Xyrem, please let me know!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Hearing Voices


"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." -2 Corinthians 10:5

I spent two hours this morning listening to The Voices. Don't call the men in the white coats! It happens to all of us sometimes: we hear the replays of something hurtful that was said - something that cut us to our very soul. We feel rejected, ashamed, worthless. But then I heard another Voice speaking Truth and Love into my heart...

"I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU FOR AWHILE."
"I will never leave you or forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU OR BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE YOU'RE SO NEGATIVE."
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." -Psalm 56:8

"SOME OF US DON'T GET TO SLEEP IN UNTIL 10AM EVERY DAY OR LIE DOWN AND REST WHENEVER WE WANT."
"...for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." -Psalm 103:14

"I'M TIRED AND DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW."
"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You perceive my thoughts from afar. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely." -Psalm 139:1-4

"NOW'S NOT REALLY A GOOD TIME TO VISIT; THERE'S JUST A LOT GOING ON."
"Whoever comes to me I will never drive away."
-John 6:37

"YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ALL DAY. YOU DON'T CONTRIBUTE."
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

"IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU, BUT I WANT TO GO SAY 'HELLO' TO SOMEONE [more interesting]."
"The Lord your God...will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17

"EVERYONE'S BAILING ON YOU RIGHT NOW, AREN'T THEY?"
"I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God." -Isaiah 41:9-10

"OH? YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE IN SUNDAY SCHOOL FOR 5 WEEKS?"
"You know when I sit and when I rise. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" -Psalm 139:2,7

"Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will learn to listen and believe the Voice of Truth." -Casting Crowns

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

These Four Walls


I'm only 34 years old, so people probably don't think of me as a "shut-in." When I was growing up, that's what we used to call old people who couldn't get out of the house. But that pretty much describes me. I can't drive and can't leave the house, even for a walk, without having someone with me. Want to know what it's like? In a word, lonely.

It puts a real damper on your social life when you can't just pick up the phone and call a girlfriend to meet you for lunch. To be honest, I'm afraid to make new friends because I've been rejected so many times by people who don't want to deal with the high-maintenance friend that requires a wheelchair, medication, and an instruction manual to go anywhere. So my friends are people I talk to on the phone or chat with online. Virtual people, really.

I try to stay in touch with the world through the internet, books, and TV. And the highlight of my day is when my husband comes home from work because I get to see a real live human being. Sometimes I even get to have a conversation with him if he's not too tired from being among Real People all day. Once in a while he'll call me on the way home and ask if I want to go out to dinner. If it's a pretty good day I'll take a shower, put on clothing one would wear in public, and do my hair and makeup. Then I get to pretend for about an hour that I'm a normal person doing normal things.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like the world has forgotten about me. That I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. So I look for little ways that I can make a difference from inside my four walls. Things like writing this blog, sharing info on social networking sites, and singing once a week in my church choir with all my heart and voice. The rest of the time I fight those feelings of loneliness and desperation by listening closely for the voice of the One who knows me best and loves me most. I am His Treasure, and I am precious in His eyes.

Friday, June 24, 2011

The Day the Music Lived




"Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you, but I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales."
-August Rush



I don't know when the music died in my heart.

Maybe it died a little bit the first time someone told me my music was "too contemporary for church."

Maybe it was when a "well-meaning Christian" told me that I shouldn't sing about faith until mine was stronger.

Perhaps I believed the lies of the Enemy that I was too flawed, too damaged, to share my songs of faith with others.

Could it be that I was told too many times that I needed to take some time off from music because of chronic illness?

It's possible that the loneliness of being housebound day after day, feeling forgotten by the world, began to eat away at the music.

Did I let the fear that my illnesses would be a distraction to the worship of others cause my lips to be still, my voice to be hushed?

But I am a worshiper. I have the heart of a worshiper. With all my faults, my weaknesses, and my failures, God has gifted me to praise Him and lead others to praise Him. I will keep silent no longer. I will not let the rocks cry out in praise to God in my place.

There is a silent place in my corner of the world that needs to be filled with the sounds of uninhibited, reckless worship to my Savior. And I will use my voice.

"I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live." -Psalm 104:33

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Distractions


"It is our goal at Elevation [Church] to offer a distraction free environment for all our guests..." That was the response from a church who has found itself in a media firestorm after reportedly escorting a mother and her young disabled son from the Easter worship service when he shared an audible "Amen." My initial response was one of shock and anger because I, too, have been told that I was a distraction due to my health issues and was asked to leave my Christian college where I was studying for the ministry. I remember thinking, "Sure, I have chronic illness, but don't I deserve to have a life too?"

I really wanted to be sure I had the whole story and not just a bunch of one-sided media hype. When I spoke with Campus Pastor John Bishop, he admitted that "distraction was a poor choice of words" in this case and that they were trying to communicate that anyone exhibiting distracting behaviors like "ringing cell phones, people leaving from the front row and trying to go back to that same seat, or other loud noises" was encouraged to use the overflow area, which he says is about 20 feet from where Helms and her son were seated before they were relocated. According to Bishop, Helms was discreetly approached by an usher he describes as "an incredible man" on two occasions to make her aware the overflow room was available, but when her 12-year-old son, who has cerebral palsy, continued to make loud, unintelligible sounds (his mom says he was saying "Amen"), they were asked to move to the area where they could "have the exact same message and experience" without disturbing others. The pastor also explained, "There is no rule that keeps anybody out of the auditorium" and that "most people will remove themselves" to the overflow area if they are in one of these types of situations.

I'm a preacher's kid, so I understand the need for things to be done "decently and in order" and especially for people to have an opportunity to hear the life-changing message of the gospel. But I have to wonder where we draw the line. I was assured that Elevation Church doesn't discourage others from shouting "Amen" or being expressive in worship...unless it becomes a distraction. I guess because people could not understand Jackson Helms' expressions of worship, it was unacceptable. I'm just not sure what exactly should have been done in that situation. And on a personal note, I'm often afraid that my cataplexy attacks could distract others who may think I've fallen asleep, or that I really shouldn't sing in the choir because of the possibility of experiencing muscle weakness and collapsing before the congregation. Should I just not serve at all so I don't disturb anyone's experience?

This was a tough topic for me because it hit so close to home. But I can't help but think it's so easy to view people and their problems as a distraction instead of an opportunity for us to have compassion, to reach out, and to even learn from them. Even Jesus' apostles felt that children wanting to see Jesus were a distraction, but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them." And when Jesus was preaching, some men tore off the roof to lower a paralyzed man down to be touched by the Healer. I bet that wasn't on the Order of Service!

I'm sure Bishop and the usher involved weren't trying to embarrass anyone or cause them to feel unwelcome. And from the statement the church later issued, it's clear they have programs for those with special needs and are doing more to learn about how to provide a better experience for them in the future. In 18 years of living with chronic illness I've learned that people do not understand what it's like to live with illness or disability, and they probably never will unless they experience it personally or through a loved one. They'll likely never appreciate the valiant effort it takes physically and emotionally for someone like us to even make it to a worship service. But we can all be a little more understanding and loving, realizing that church is not a building or a well-orchestrated performance, but a group of people who love the Lord and want to grow and share our lives with others like us. But life is chaotic, it's loud, and it's sometimes distracting to our vision and expectations. Let's make room for those distractions, even if someone tears off a roof now and then!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Guest Post - Deanna's Story


I am honored today to do a guest post for fellow- spoonie Ashley on her blog Searching for Health. Ashley resides in beautiful British Columbia with her husband and 2 dogs. She was diagnosed with juvenile hypothyroidism at the age of eight and then re-diagnosed with a thyroid conversion problem at the age of thirteen. In 2008 she was finally given a proper name for her illness; she is hypothyroid with partial peripheral thyroid resistance. Searching for Health is Ashley's forum for sharing information on thyroid resistance and empowering individuals with chronic illness to live their healthiest life.

Ashley shares the stories of others on Mondays for a series she calls "My Story Mondays." You can read my story by clicking here:

Monday, June 6, 2011

Passing the Torch - A Tribute to Molly Mizerak



Molly Mizerak
8.18.1962 - 6.1.2011


"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith..." -Heb 12:1-2

In just a few minutes, hundreds of people in the Loudoun County, VA area will gather at our former church to celebrate the life of Molly Mizerak, who entered her eternal home in Heaven this past Wednesday after a 3.5-month battle with an aggressive brain tumor. Since I cannot be there in person, I have decided to take a few minutes to remember what she meant in my life and how she has influenced me both in her life and her death.

1. Molly knew Jesus and His Spirit radiated through her. You couldn't be around her for very long without feeling like you were in God's presence. It was evident that she spent time with God and that she was filled with His Spirit. She was like a light in a dark room, and you just wanted to be around and soak in that light.

2. Molly studied the Bible and used the Word to minister to others. She taught me about the power of the Scriptures to overcome spiritual warfare and defeat the Enemy's attacks in my life. She encouraged me to participate in Bible studies when I was struggling with discouragement and depression in my life due to chronic illness, and she even went out and purchased the study books and brought them to me! She knew the power that the Bible had in people's lives.

3. Molly got involved in people's lives and didn't consider their moments of crisis to be an interruption, but an opportunity to share the love of Christ. I can remember calling Molly in the middle of the night to pray with me, share Scripture with me, and encourage me. She was the first one to show up at the hospital when I was admitted and the one bringing me to a prayer service for healing, like the men who carried the paralytic to Jesus. She didn't just talk about spiritual things - she lived them.

4. Molly worshiped with abandon and was sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading at all times. I can remember a clear change in the power of our worship services shortly after the Mizeraks came to our church. Molly always entered into worship with her whole heart, and it led others to a more open heart as well. She never hesitated to share a word about how God was working in her own life and had a very humble and loving way of admonishing others when it was needed.

5. Molly was real and authentic about her walk with God. She was very willing to share her own struggles with anxiety, unforgiveness, and spiritual warfare. She explained how God delivered her and how the Enemy continued to attack her in these areas. It was refreshing and encouraging to know that I was not alone and that someone who clearly loved God as much as Molly experienced her own spiritual battles too.

A few years ago when I was asked in a Bible study to name the 3 most influential people in my Christian walk; in addition to my parents and my youth pastor, I immediately thought of Molly. She influenced people wherever she went and used every day circumstances as moments to teach others. And her faith in the midst of these past few months as she struggled with her health was an example to me and countless others. We will only know in eternity how many people came to Christ or grew in the faith because of her story.

Since her death, reading and hearing the things that were said of her life is a true challenge to me to live my life in such a way that I would be able to leave a testimony of faithfulness for others to follow. Considering Molly's legacy, I am reminded of an old Steve Green song:

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful


Molly has passed the torch of her testimony to so many of us left behind. As she cheers us on from heaven, I hope we will accept the challenge and live a life of faith that we learned from her remarkable journey.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Setbacks


People with chronic illness know this well: Just when you think you've got a handle on one aspect of your illness, another crops up to throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing. I've recently had a setback with my thyroid disease because I finally was able to convince my doctor to treat me for adrenal fatigue. It's common for people who have gone for years without a proper diagnosis of thyroid disease and/or those who were on a T4 only medication like Synthroid or Levoxyl to develop adrenal fatigue. I've known for years that my adrenals were causing me problems and contributing to my cataplexy, fatigue, and even excessive sweating. But convincing your doctor of that is another matter.

The new doctor at my primary doctor's practice is much more open to suggestions than other doctors I've seen, especially if you bring her some information to back up your theories. I had been trying to get my doctor to run my Reverse T3 for almost a year now, especially after I stopped losing weight on Armour and began having some hypothyroid symptoms again. This new doctor agreed to run it, and we quickly concluded that my body is not absorbing and utilizing the thyroid hormone that I'm taking, which is why I'm not losing weight, why I'm feeling so tired, why I get huge cracks in the heels of my feet, and why it makes perfect sense that my adrenals are failing too. I'm trying not to be annoyed that almost a year was wasted while my know-it-all doc ignored me, and focusing instead on feeling hopeful that this new doc is willing to treat my adrenals with hydrocortisone (HC).

But it's not easy treating the adrenals, let me tell you. For one thing, we're both at the mercy of piece-meal information. The 1st edition of the Stop the Thyroid Madness (STTM) book says to gradually increase your HC up to the proper dosage. But that would give me these incredibly sickening adrenalin rushes, kind of like the feeling you get after you've run a mile as fast as you can. So I asked people on the STTM Facebook page, and the author told me there had been a revision to the book advising you to begin at the full dose right away to avoid the adrenalin rushes. Ugh. So I started over again.

Then my Armour started making me sick. I would get these horrible gut-wrenching stomach pains, along with severe nausea right after I took my Armour. That's when I was advised to cut back on my thyroid meds. So now I feel terrible because I'm on the wrong dose of Armour. I started having one of the worst hypothyroid symptoms that I haven't experienced in almost two years: digestive issues. That's a polite way of saying that I have to run to the bathroom at a moment's notice. So now I'm carrying ginger root capsules around with me 24/7 like the pre-Armour days. I was told swallowing my HC with apple cider vinegar would help cut down on the stomach issues. Nope. The last time I tried that, I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut; and it felt like that ALL DAY LONG. I'll just stick with the ginger root, thank you.

To make a long story long-ish, I'm feeling a little frustrated and discouraged right now because I've essentially had to make myself feel sick in order to make myself feel better. I'm sure that makes sense in some realm of reality, but right now it just ticks me off. I have the energy of a slug and the personality of a porcupine being poked with a stick. So I just keep muttering this mantra under my breath: "A setback is a setup for a comeback. A setback is a setup for a comeback." Now where are those ginger capsules...

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Day the Music Lived


"Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you, but I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales."
-August Rush


I don't know when the music died in my heart.

Maybe it died a little bit the first time someone told me my music was "too contemporary for church."

Maybe it was when a "well-meaning Christian" told me that I shouldn't sing about faith until mine was stronger.

Perhaps I believed the lies of Enemy that I was too flawed, too damaged, to share my songs of faith with others.

Could it be that I was told too many times that I needed to take some time off from music because of chronic illness?

It's possible that the loneliness of being housebound day after day, feeling forgotten by the world, began to eat away at the music.

Did I let the fear that my illnesses would be a distraction to the worship of others cause my lips to be still, my voice to be hushed?

But I am a worshiper. I have the heart of a worshiper. With all my faults, my weaknesses, and my failures, God has gifted me to praise Him and lead others to praise Him. I will keep silent no longer. I will not let the rocks cry out in praise to God in my place.

There is a silent place in my corner of the world that needs to be filled with the sounds of uninhibited, reckless worship to my Savior. And I will keep quiet no longer.

"I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live." -Psalm 104:33

Monday, May 16, 2011

Narcolepsy for Dummies


NARCOLEPSY FOR DUMMIES - By Fellow-Narcy, Andrea Clark

Narcoleptics (pwns – person with narcolepsy) suffer from an auto-immune disease whose onset is typically in adolescence, but sometimes earlier. There appears to be a trigger, whether it be a virus or a stressor put on the body, which can cover a multitude of things, but as yet researchers have not been able to really pin it down. It is at that time that the brain appears to destroy a part of itself, which researchers have labeled Hypocretin, or Orexin in some circles. Hypocretin is the ‘control’ chemical that regulates our sleep center in the hypothalamus. Pwns no longer have hypocretin, as the brain has destroyed it during childhood/adolescence.

Let’s use the analogy of the sleep center being much like the automatic transmission in a car. Hypocretin is, for the sake of argument, transmission fluid which helps it move smoothly through the gears. The fluid is necessary to have a properly working transmission and without it the sleep center continually ‘slips’ gears. The brain tries to make educated guesses based on levels of other chemicals.

It becomes a catch-22 because we no longer get consolidated sleep, so the levels of the remaining chemicals in our brain are altered. Our sleep center then becomes active 24 hours a day. Using the analogy of slipping gears, the brain is putting us into REM when we’re awake (giving us hypnogognic and hypnopompic hallucinations); it paralyzes us when we are just falling asleep or awakening, creating Sleep Paralysis. It puts the brain into a state of sleep, but our physical bodies are awake, we are talking and moving about, but have no recall of any of it, creating thus we have Automatic Behavior. It is during automatic behavior that our conversations may or may not be cohesive, and we put the dishes away in the refrigerator, the laundry in the oven, for example.

Regarding cataplexy, which is triggered by emotions and stress, the brain is taking those triggers and ‘guessing’ they are a part of REM, thus causing us to collapse and become paralyzed, just as a normal brain paralyzes us during dreaming so we do not act out our dreams. For those with prolonged cataplexy attacks, breathing becomes shallow and slower, because the brain takes over breathing for us, just as it does during REM. The need for ‘air’ is reduced to a level that is sufficient for little more than the body’s automatic systems to keep running. This can create anxiety which only prolongs the attack. Remembering this will keep you calm. Realize the body is not going to let you suffocate.

Hypocretin can be reproduced in the laboratory, but researchers do not know the mechanism it requires to tell it how much to release and at what times. Currently the only way to get hypocretin to the brain would be through daily injections into the spinal column, as they do not at this time know how to get it to pass through the blood/brain barrier.

Memory and cognitive ability are affected because the brain does not have consolidated restorative sleep. Without us realizing it, the time spent in consolidated restorative sleep is just about the most important part of our day as this is the time the brain does its all important maintenance, which is necessary to process memories and retaining what it learns. It is also the time that the brain puts out the order across the body for all our neurotransmitters that are ‘out of whack’ to snap to and get back into sync with one another. It ferrets out what parts of the body needs healing and sends appropriate messages for the body to work on healing.

It usually takes several years, and in some cases decades, for a pt. to be diagnosed with narcolepsy. Most often they are diagnosed with depression because EDS is considered a symptom of depression. They receive little understanding or support and are often considered lazy, unmotivated, or malingerers. Mild cataplexy is often diagnosed as MS, however tests reveal there is no demylanization.

Hypocretin is the all important crux of the problem. It is a major control chemical and when it is missing, the brain will try to make decisions based on other available information, however misguided that may be. However, with the loss of consolidated restorative sleep, thus being sleep deprived, the levels of other chemicals are all wrong. Therein lies the conundrum – hypocretin would help the brain keep those chemicals at their working best. Our body depletes itself of those chemicals throughout the day and ideally they would return to proper levels when we get truly good sleep. Instead the brain can only guess, and does not restore enough of some chemical or over produces others.

Staying with the car analogy, let’s imagine that the computer system of your car relies on your transmission running properly. If that isn’t happening, you are going to be getting all kinds of wrong information, and you may start to put premium gasoline in your tank, the highest grade of synthetic oil, etc. All nice things which makes the car somewhat pleased in the short term, but let’s face it, if your tranny isn’t right, you’re going to find yourself on the shoulder of the highway, waiting for the tow truck because as it stands, you aren’t going anywhere.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Chariots and Horses


Sometimes I forget just how much I lean on my husband. As a housebound person with multiple chronic illnesses, including narcolepsy with cataplexy , there are a lot of things I just can't do for myself. He is my caretaker, my closest friend, and the person who best understands my limitations. When he's not available to me, it's pretty scary. He's on a missions trip in another country right now, and I've been basically alone except for a person who comes to sit with me at night (lest I burn the house down or fail to wake up from my strong sleep medicine should it begin to burn down around me).

Recently he had a very scary, dire incident with his diabetes, and I had to call an ambulance. In addition to worrying about his life I remember thinking, "What am I going to do if something happens to him? Who's going to take care of ME?" Watching him deteriorate quickly from insulin shock right before my eyes was one of the scariest things I ever had to experience. I just kept praying, "Jesus, help me!" in pure desperation, over and over. Because he's such a strong person and focuses most of his energy on caring for ME, it's easy to forget that he has physical limitations too.

With his being gone this week, I've had a renewed sense of how much I depend on him not only for my physical needs, but also for emotional support for the struggles of life. I've had a couple of melt-downs, especially upon hearing that he's had some really rough times with minor insulin shock on the missions trip. My parents and my best friend, who are hundreds of miles away, have done their best to comfort and encourage me, but God began reminding me today that He is my rock, my shelter, my deliverer, my defender, and my refuge. Even when I'll all alone in the physical sense, He is here to hold me up.

I was struck by how important it was for ancient kings to have an arsenal of strong horses and the best chariots so that they could defend themselves in battle, much like our military today depends upon tanks, planes, and weapons for our defense. But King David wisely realized that he could not trust in any sword, or spear, or chariots, or horses to deliver him because the battle is the Lord's, and He is the one who would deliver them. It's so easy for me to see my husband as THE one who meets my needs, and I'm thankful to have someone like him in my life. But today God reassured me of His presence and that I only have to call on HIS name. Lord, help me to put my trust in You.

"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; but we will remember the name of the LORD our God." -Psalm 20:7

Monday, March 7, 2011

Repost: Cataplexy 101


Reposted for National Sleep Awareness Week

The following is some information I pieced together from various sources, including my own experience, to explain what cataplexy is and what to do if I have an attack. Most doctors have never even heard of it and have no idea what to do. I started carrying information sheets around with me to hand out to people and especially to give to all my doctors. Feel free to duplicate this information; we need to educate people about this disease.

WHAT IS CATAPLEXY?
Cataplexy is a feature of the sleep disorder narcolepsy. It is a condition whereby the sufferer, or cataplectic, experiences a total loss of muscle control and postural tone. It is likely to be more severe when a person is tired, under stress, or experiencing strong emotions. It is extremely unpredictable both in severity and frequency. The attacks do not necessarily have a fixed schedule; they may occur occasionally but may also occur multiple times a day. Patients may be prescribed antidepressants to control the attacks and may also take a night-time medicine called Xyrem, the pharmaceutical equivalent of GHB, to produce the quality of sleep needed to help control the attacks. It is important for cataplexy sufferers to adhere to a strict sleep and medicine schedule to avoid severe, prolonged attacks.

WHAT HAPPENS DURING A CATAPLEXY ATTACK?
Cataplexy is often confused with epilepsy. The nature of the attacks may vary from individual to individual. The following characteristics of an attack can occur alone or in combinations with others: perceptible slacking of the facial muscles, dropping of the jaw or head, knee buckling, slumping of the shoulders, slurring of speech, blurred vision, or falling to the floor. When falling to the ground, the cataplectic may appear to lose consciousness but simply remains motionless for a few minutes before resuming normal behaviors or drifting into some prolonged sleep. There is no loss of consciousness or awareness of surroundings; the person can still hear, feel, and sometimes see things that are going on during the attack.

WHAT CAUSES A CATAPLEXY ATTACK?
Cataplexy is often caused by strong emotions such as exhilaration, surprise, fear, anger, stress, shock, laughter, anxiety, etc., but these do not have to be present for an attack to occur. For this reason, a person suffering from cataplexy will not benefit from “revival methods” often used on an unconscious person. Actions such as yelling, slapping, or shaking should be avoided, and sternum rubs or ammonia inhalants will not be effective and can, in fact, make the attack worse by causing anxiety to the patient.

WHAT SHOULD BE DONE FOR A PATIENT DURING AN ATTACK?
1. It is most important to stay calm, remembering that the cataplectic is conscious and aware of your behavior and that your anxiety can affect the severity or length of the attack.
2. Be sure the individual will not injure themselves by falling and that their airway is not obstructed by the position of their neck/head. There is no need to move the person unless one of the above circumstances presents itself.
3. Unless the person has stopped breathing, has no pulse, or has injured herself in some way, CALL THEIR EMERGENCY CONTACT BEFORE CALLING 911. This contact will know more about the disease than almost any medical personnel and can advise you more on how to respond. If they feel emergency medical personnel should be called, that is the time to call.
4. Avoid drawing undue attention to the situation, which can cause embarrassment and discomfort to the individual.
5. Sufferers have different preferences about what onlookers can do to help. Some prefer to be left alone, while others my need to be supported or helped up. It is common for the person to prefer being left alone to recover of their own accord.

HOW DOES THIS DISEASE AFFECT LIFESTYLE?
Cataplexy can be disruptive to daily living. It can cause embarrassment, loss of confidence, and even detrimental consequences to the patient. Further, it can impair most desired activities such as driving, working out at the gym, or even holding a child, because one can never know when the attack might present itself. Because this is a rare condition, most medical personnel will not recognize it or know how to treat it. For this reason, the patient and their regular caregiver should be relied upon greatly for information about both the condition and also that patient’s particular regimen of treatment.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Memories



I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss.

Or at least, that's what I tell people. Actually, I have narcolepsy. And one of the symptoms I experience from the disease is automatic behavior. The best way to describe that is my brain takes little naps throughout the day while my body is still able to function somewhat normally. You may be having a seemingly routine conversation with me, but I probably won't recall it later. There are entire blocks of time for which I have no memory. Family members and friends will refer to something I said or a fun activity we enjoyed, and I will have no idea what they're talking about. I once washed, dried, folded, and put away a load of laundry and spent hours the next day trying to find my pile of dirty clothes.

But lately it's just been getting scary. I've been leaving the stove burners on for hours, forgetting to shave one of my armpits, and forgetting to finish things I started - not knowing they weren't finished. I even answered a business call the other day where the person told me her name and I followed up immediately with, "May I ask who's calling, please?" I'm starting to feel like an elderly person with dementia that shouldn't be left alone.

But this morning I discovered a horrifying new aspect to my automatic behavior: sleep eating. When I walked into the living room this morning, there were crumbs all over the place - I walked through a big pile of what appeared to be chocolate cake crumbs, and there were crushed crackers all over the chaise lounge. While I was getting angry at my husband for making a mess I suddenly remembered a dream I had last night. I dreamed I had fallen asleep on the chaise and woke up with a piece of cheese stuck to my chest and crackers stuck to my thighs. *Light Bulb!*

So my next thought is, "How long has this been going on?" I drastically changed my diet last year to eliminate grains, sugar, and other foods that feed fungus in the body. I lost over 40lbs and greatly improved my chronic health conditions. But then the weight loss came to a crashing halt. I had my metabolism tested, I keep insisting to my doctor that my thyroid must still be off, and I've had some relapse in my health. Is it because I'm eating God-only-knows-what while I'm asleep? You've got to be kidding me.

I guess I need to put locks on the fridge and pantry at night. And get an alarm that warns my husband when I get out of bed. This is getting ridiculous! Anyone have any other ideas? P.S. If you give me a great idea, don't be offended if I don't remember it later. :) I wish I were joking.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Soup is Good Food - Broccoli Cheese



I used to HATE soup. Probably because it reminded me of being sick. And there are a lot of days when I don't feel well due to something related to my chronic illnesses. So the fact that I've been eating soup by the gallon for the past few months is quite strange for me. But my best friend came up with a very healthy, VERY tasty recipe for broccoli cheese soup. It's easy to make, easy on my ulcer-ridden stomach (thanks to my cataplexy medication Nortriptyline, the drug that's also the proud sponsor of my cardiac condition and 70lbs of weight gain I'm still trying to lose the rest of), and it's better than any I've ever tasted.

Since I happen to be down with my semi-annual cold right now, I made a big batch and have been eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I thought you might enjoy the recipe. I'm sure my BFF won't mind that I've adapted it slightly for my taste.

Adapted from Hannah's Broccoli Cheese Soup
Half a stick of organic, unsalted butter
2 cups organic heavy whipping cream
3 cups homemade chicken stock
1 lb. broccoli florets, steamed and cut into small pieces
2 T. Arrowroot powder + 1 T. cold water
Chopped stalk of green onion
Fresh minced garlic, to taste
Sea salt, to taste
Cayenne pepper, to taste
8 ounces yogurt cheese, shredded
8 ounces organic cream cheese, softened at room temperature

Set cream cheese out to soften
Steam broccoli
Melt butter in soup pot
Add cream, allow to warm slowly on low heat
Mix arrowroot and water in a small bowl and slowly add in, whisking gently and allowing to sit until "white sauce" thickens
Add chicken stock
Bring to boil
Add broccoli, chopped onion, and spices
Stir in shredded cheese
Cut cream cheese into small sections and mix in with whisk

You may want to use an immersion blender to mix in the cream cheese, although I don't mind the tiny little lumps. You may also add shredded steamed carrots, along with the broccoli. You can omit the cayenne too, but I like a gentle kick to the soup. Plus cayenne is very good for the stomach, as well as for sore throats!

It makes 5-6 generous servings. I like to store it in Mason jars in the fridge, since I don't want chemicals from plastic ware seeping into my healthy ingredients. It's so gentle on my stomach and very soothing to my cough and sore throat. It takes about 30 minutes to make, and it's very easy to double the recipe for more servings.

Try it and tell me if it's not the BEST soup you've ever tasted! Bon appetit!

Note: This recipe is Know the Cause Phase One Diet-friendly

This post is featured today on the Easy Natural Food blog for Sunday Night Soup Night.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Permanently Disabled




Photo taken from the gun deck at Castillo de San Marcos, by my sweet husband so that I could see it too!

I guess I look like a healthy person. People can't usually tell just at a glance that I struggle with many chronic illnesses. But whenever I want to do an activity where there's a lot of standing or walking, I have to use a power wheelchair to get around. Then I'm suddenly categorized as a "disabled person." But until last Friday, I had never had anyone ask if I am "permanently disabled." The question really threw me.

We were spending the afternoon together in St. Augustine, enjoying the beautiful weather and browsing the little shops. We decided to ask if I would be able to go into the fort with my wheelchair. That's when I got The Question. (Apparently people with permanent disabilities get to go in for free. And if you get a Permanent Disability Pass, you can get into any National Park for free also). I guess it just kind of hit me hard because I had to literally stop and let the fact wash over me that my illness is most likely a permanent condition. I've been trying everything under the sun to change that, and I've definitely been able to improve my condition and my quality of life to some degree. But I'll probably never be able to climb the steps to the St. Augustine lighthouse or go up to the gun deck of the fort ever again. I was feeling a little sorry for myself as I watched from below as my husband took the stairs up to the gun deck.

I've been procrastinating for almost two years on filing for my Social Security disability, and I wasn't quite sure why. But I now realize it's just been a matter of denial. I really hoped that I would never need to claim the status of Disabled. I think I saw it as admitting defeat to my illness. And I'm not a quitter. Never mind the fact that our health expenses and food budget have both DOUBLED over the past two years due to my illnesses and that we could really use that money to offset some of those extra bills. Not to mention that I don't want to be dependent on society, my husband, or anyone else to care for me. But that's just part of my reality. I guess it's time to accept it.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Jay Cutler's New PR Girl?


Anyone who knows me is clear that I am not a Chicago Bears fan. And I'm not a Jay Cutler fan. And maybe everyone is finished eviscerating Jay Cutler for getting hurt in the NFC Championship game and then not continuing to play or not "acting injured enough" on the sidelines afterwards. But I'm still angry, and NOT at Cutler. Who do these people think they are to say he should have gone back into the game, despite what was later diagnosed as an MCL tear? I have had my fill of people telling ME about MY chronic illnesses and how I should behave and feel in the midst of them. This includes family members, doctors, pastors, and friends. I actually live inside my body and experience what it is like to have chronic illness that interferes with my life 24/7. And I've been doing it for over 17 years! I might know a little bit more about what I can handle and what my limitations are than other people.

First of all, I have personally injured my MCL, ACL, and LCL multiple times in my life. If you haven't had an injury to a knee ligament, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. It is very painful, and for the first hour or so after the injury, you may feel nauseated, dizzy, and disoriented. Depending on the severity of the injury, you may be able to stand or bear some weight on the leg, but you can't pivot or shift your weight. And a partial tear is much easier to recover from then a more severe tear. So if you have a tear, you're an idiot to go back out there and injure yourself worse, possibly ending your career.

Secondly, Jay Cutler has diabetes. For a diabetic to be a professional athlete is a feat in and of itself. My husband has been a diabetic for over 30 years, and I've been a part of his life for half of that time. A diabetic's body operates completely different than a healthy person's, and small things can have a huge effect. A sudden injury can even suddenly bring on insulin shock due to stress, adrenalin, etc. Could this have something to do with why Cutler appeared to some to be "disengaged" on the sidelines after his injury?

The point is, you don't know what's going on with someone else's body. I've borne the brunt of the most ignorant comments and thoughtless questions about my chronic illnesses. People want to know why I don't "just" exercise or eat less since I'm overweight. Little do they know that I gained 70 lbs in 6 months from one narcolepsy medication, had untreated or improperly treated thyroid disease for 15 years, my body produces 5 times the amount of insulin it's supposed to in response to food - which causes me to store food as fat rather than burning it as energy, and when I perform mild physical exercise like standing or walking for short times and distances my muscles go limp suddenly due to cataplexy. Not to mention that I eat healthier than 99% of the population. You skinny people would DIE if you had to eat the way I need to just to have the energy to bathe and dress myself!

Why don't I drive? Why don't I have a job? Why don't I attend 12 church services a week? Why isn't my house clean and my laundry done? Why don't I have children...do I not like kids? Why do I need a wheelchair to go to a mall or ballpark? It's GOTTA be that I'm just too fat and lazy, right? After all, I'm "too young" to have all these health issues. I'm probably faking it for attention. Or maybe I'm just depressed. Probably I'm not right with God. And I don't have enough faith to be healed. Blah blah blah blah blah.

The bottom line? We can't look at someone and know what's going on "under the hood." And it's really none of our business unless we really care enough to be a part of that person's life as an encourager, a helper, a real friend, and a prayer warrior. If you're just a critic who attacks people because it makes you feel better about yourself or an "armchair quarterback" who didn't have what it takes to make the playoffs, just keep your mouth shut. I say this with all the love of Jesus and a healthy dose of plain truth. Sow some seeds of kindness and compassion. You never know....some day you or someone you love may have an injury or illness. And when that day comes, you may need that harvest in your own life.

"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble." -I Peter 3:8

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What if I Had Cancer?



I have a confession to make: sometimes I wish I had cancer. How twisted is that? And what would possess me to say such a thing? Of course, although I've had close family members waste away and die from cancer, I've never experienced it myself. I know it's a horrible and serious disease that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But as crazy as it sounds, there have been several times in my life that I've found myself being jealous of people with cancer. Shocking?

About a year before my health took a serious downward spiral, a friend from church was diagnosed with breast cancer. You would not believe the outpouring of love and support shown to her and her family by our church! People came over to clean, brought meals, and offered to take her to doctor appointments. I'll never forget the time she was sharing the stories about the support from our church family and, knowing my own chronic health struggles, innocently asked, "People come over and help you out too, right?" There certainly have been a couple of people that have helped out before. But as far as the kind of constant support she was getting? Not even close.

Several months later I was diagnosed with narcolepsy with cataplexy, and my cataplexy was so bad that I was constantly falling down all over the house. I couldn't prepare meals, shower, dress myself, or do any household chores on my own. We asked our church for some help and in addition to being told we lived too far away from the church for people to serve us, a church leader admonished us, "It's not always your turn to be helped; sometimes it's your turn to help." Huh?! Anyone who truly knows us would realize what an ignorant statement that was. And we'd been faithfully attending and serving in that church for over 3 years.

So why was my experience so different from my friend with cancer? I'm not entirely sure, and I'd love some feedback from you. But here's what I've come up with so far.

1. I'm not dying. People seem to equate cancer with dying. I guess they feel that since you may die, they should serve you while they can. On the other hand, the long-term, daily struggles in the life of someone with chronic illness are largely ignored. Maybe it seems like too long a commitment?

2. I seem like I can handle it. I've always been a strong, independent person. I am a problem-solver, and I don't give up easily. Maybe people think, "If anyone can work through this, she can."

3. I don't know how to ask for what I need. I've had a few people offer to help, but I feel badly asking for and even accepting help because of what I've experienced in the past. Who wants to be helped grudgingly, our out of a sense of duty? Or what if I ask for help this time, and then I really need help another time but I've used up my "Ask for Help Card"? After all, maybe it's not my turn to be helped.

All I know is, everyone has a limit, a breaking point. We live on the edge of ours all the time. After two months of a major health setback we are about to fall off at the moment. But is it safe to ask for help? Or do I suffer alone and hope for the best? What do YOU do when you need help getting through the struggles of life with chronic illness?

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." -Ecclesiastes 4:8-10

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