The Birthday, The Bald Dog, and the Billy Goat - Conclusion

By now you have to be wondering about the goat. I almost feel like it didn't really happen, like maybe it was one of my crazy narcolepsy-induced nightmares. But, yes, there really was a billy goat. It all started when I let my two Siberian huskies out for their morning "constitutional," as I like to call it. When I opened the front door to let them out, I figured by the way they shot out that door that there was a squirrel, a rabbit, or maybe some geese or an egret in the front yard. Because their invisible fence only goes so far, giving any kind of animal they might chase a chance to run to safety, I didn't think much of it at first. But a moment later I heard something that reminded me of a viscious wild animal attack from the Discovery Channel, and I saw a flash of black fur at the back window. A feeling of dread went through me like a cold chill, and I knew the dogs had gotten into it with some kind of animal...a racoon maybe. Still in my pajamas and bare feet, I ran out the back door.

Much to my surprise, the dogs had cornered a billy goat of all things, and he was behind the grill making the strangest noise, eyes bugging out with fear. I yelled to the dogs to get into the house, but instead they both lunged for the goat, who made it several feet into the landscape bed before one dog grabbed it by the neck and the other by the throat. My dogs were going to kill this poor animal right in front of me! I began yelling as loudly as I could and banging on the patio furniture, but I may as well have been whispering. My dogs were completely focused on one thing only: this strange animal that dared enter their territory must be destroyed. Then I remembered reading once that if your dog ever gets into a fight with another dog, the only way to safely intervene is to pull your dog by the back legs. So I grabbed one of my dogs and pulled as hard as I could, landing on my rear end but succeeding in getting her away from the goat. She lunged for the goat as I reached for her collar and fought her all the way into the house and into her crate.

I could feel my legs turning into jell-o as I stumbled back outside to get the other dog. Narcolepsy attacks are often caused or worsened by strong emotions and/or exercise, both of which I was experiencing at that time. I knew that any moment my legs and probably my other muscles were going to completely give out; I was just praying it didn't happen until both dogs were safely inside and away from this stupid goat. It was much easier for me to extricate my male dog from the goat as he is much more mild-mannered, especially when his sister is not around to rile him up. Just as I got in the door with my other dog, I collapsed on the livingroom floor. I was worried the goat was hurt, but there was nothing more I could do as my legs were completely out of commission. I reached for the phone and dialed Animal Control (thanks to our puppy's father, I had the number stored in the phone). As the hopeless Animal Control officers made their way to my house to get the goat, I had to just lie on the floor listening to all 3 of my dogs howling and trying to break out of their crates. Of course, the officers never found the goat, although they thought the giant pile of hair in the yard that came from my dog was from the goat fight, and that gave me a good laugh.

A friend of mine who has a pet goat reassured me that goats are tough, resilient animals, so I finally stopped worrying that it had a broken windpipe and was off somewhere dying. And even though the excitement of the incident caused prolonged cataplexy that put me in the wheelchair the rest of the day, the dogs finally calmed down and quit trying to find the goat in the yard. Goats are apparently very stupid, however, because the next afternoon when I let my male husky outside to do his business, I heard a loud thud against the front door and thought "here we go again." When I opened the front door I saw that the goat, much braver when faced with only one of my dogs, was back and charging my dog with his horns. I called for the dog to run inside, but instead the goat ran inside my house! Not knowing what else to do, I just slammed the door behind him so that my dog was still outside. So now there's this angry goat in my house, and both big dogs are going crazy. But then my Watch Kitty comes running right up to the goat, fur all puffed out, hissing and growling, and the goat lowers its head, stomps its feet, and starts snorting. I'm thinking, "Great. My cat will be gored by a goat and the whole house is gonna be torn apart."

So I grab the phone and start calling people. First call to Animal Control: "INSIDE your house? How did it get in? Why did you let it in?" Then my friend who has a goat: phone number unlisted. Then the vet: INSIDE your house? How did it get in? Why did you let it in?" Then my friend in Pennsylvania whose huband grew up on a farm: "INSIDE your house? How did it get in? Why did you let it in? It's gonna tear up your house!" Then to my husband: "What do you mean INSIDE the house? Why did you let it in?" Click. People, your comments are not helping. Then my friend calls back after speaking to her husband. She tells me to get a water bottle and squirt it if it tries to charge. She says I can possibly calm it and distract it with some food. I try to give it lettuce and carrots, but it just gets angrier because I'm getting too close. So it just stands there in the corner of the room, stomping, eyes bugging out. And I'm waiting for the dogs to break out of their crates and my cat to attack any second. We stare at each other for what seems like an eternity until finally the animal control officer shows up at the door with one of those poles with a "noose" on the end that you see on Animal Cops: Detroit. I just pointed to the goat. He hooks it around the neck and starts pulling as the feisty little guy, who's actually pretty cute, is pulling back the other way. The officer can't believe I have a goat INSIDE the house. Can't believe I opened the door and he just ran in. Yeah. But that's what happened. I'm laughing now, but it was actually kind of traumatic at the time. It took my dogs like 2 hours after the goat was gone to stop running through the house sniffing and looking out the windows.

But I know better than to ask the question: "What ELSE could possibly go wrong?" Because I know the answer. During this "series of unfortunate events," I had been reading a Christian novel where the main characters were going through a lot of bad circumstances in their lives and were struggling, as I often do, with that same question, wondering "what else?" But then they remembered John 16:33, "In the world you will have trouble. But be of good cheer! I have overcome the world." It's pretty much guaranteed we will have trouble in this life. But we can encourage ourselves with this fact: Jesus has overcome the world. There's nothing that can happen that is more powerful than that - not a bad birthday, a bald dog, or a billy goat. Nothing. So cheer up! :o)