Chariots and Horses

Sometimes I forget just how much I lean on my husband. As a housebound person with multiple chronic illnesses, including narcolepsy with cataplexy , there are a lot of things I just can't do for myself. He is my caretaker, my closest friend, and the person who best understands my limitations. When he's not available to me, it's pretty scary. He's on a missions trip in another country right now, and I've been basically alone except for a person who comes to sit with me at night (lest I burn the house down or fail to wake up from my strong sleep medicine should it begin to burn down around me).

Recently he had a very scary, dire incident with his diabetes, and I had to call an ambulance. In addition to worrying about his life I remember thinking, "What am I going to do if something happens to him? Who's going to take care of ME?" Watching him deteriorate quickly from insulin shock right before my eyes was one of the scariest things I ever had to experience. I just kept praying, "Jesus, help me!" in pure desperation, over and over. Because he's such a strong person and focuses most of his energy on caring for ME, it's easy to forget that he has physical limitations too.

With his being gone this week, I've had a renewed sense of how much I depend on him not only for my physical needs, but also for emotional support for the struggles of life. I've had a couple of melt-downs, especially upon hearing that he's had some really rough times with minor insulin shock on the missions trip. My parents and my best friend, who are hundreds of miles away, have done their best to comfort and encourage me, but God began reminding me today that He is my rock, my shelter, my deliverer, my defender, and my refuge. Even when I'll all alone in the physical sense, He is here to hold me up.

I was struck by how important it was for ancient kings to have an arsenal of strong horses and the best chariots so that they could defend themselves in battle, much like our military today depends upon tanks, planes, and weapons for our defense. But King David wisely realized that he could not trust in any sword, or spear, or chariots, or horses to deliver him because the battle is the Lord's, and He is the one who would deliver them. It's so easy for me to see my husband as THE one who meets my needs, and I'm thankful to have someone like him in my life. But today God reassured me of His presence and that I only have to call on HIS name. Lord, help me to put my trust in You.

"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; but we will remember the name of the LORD our God." -Psalm 20:7