What if I Had Cancer?

I have a confession to make: sometimes I wish I had cancer. How twisted is that? And what would possess me to say such a thing? Of course, although I've had close family members waste away and die from cancer, I've never experienced it myself. I know it's a horrible and serious disease that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But as crazy as it sounds, there have been several times in my life that I've found myself being jealous of people with cancer. Shocking?

About a year before my health took a serious downward spiral, a friend from church was diagnosed with breast cancer. You would not believe the outpouring of love and support shown to her and her family by our church! People came over to clean, brought meals, and offered to take her to doctor appointments. I'll never forget the time she was sharing the stories about the support from our church family and, knowing my own chronic health struggles, innocently asked, "People come over and help you out too, right?" There certainly have been a couple of people that have helped out before. But as far as the kind of constant support she was getting? Not even close.

Several months later I was diagnosed with narcolepsy with cataplexy, and my cataplexy was so bad that I was constantly falling down all over the house. I couldn't prepare meals, shower, dress myself, or do any household chores on my own. We asked our church for some help and in addition to being told we lived too far away from the church for people to serve us, a church leader admonished us, "It's not always your turn to be helped; sometimes it's your turn to help." Huh?! Anyone who truly knows us would realize what an ignorant statement that was. And we'd been faithfully attending and serving in that church for over 3 years.

So why was my experience so different from my friend with cancer? I'm not entirely sure, and I'd love some feedback from you. But here's what I've come up with so far.

1. I'm not dying. People seem to equate cancer with dying. I guess they feel that since you may die, they should serve you while they can. On the other hand, the long-term, daily struggles in the life of someone with chronic illness are largely ignored. Maybe it seems like too long a commitment?

2. I seem like I can handle it. I've always been a strong, independent person. I am a problem-solver, and I don't give up easily. Maybe people think, "If anyone can work through this, she can."

3. I don't know how to ask for what I need. I've had a few people offer to help, but I feel badly asking for and even accepting help because of what I've experienced in the past. Who wants to be helped grudgingly, our out of a sense of duty? Or what if I ask for help this time, and then I really need help another time but I've used up my "Ask for Help Card"? After all, maybe it's not my turn to be helped.

All I know is, everyone has a limit, a breaking point. We live on the edge of ours all the time. After two months of a major health setback we are about to fall off at the moment. But is it safe to ask for help? Or do I suffer alone and hope for the best? What do YOU do when you need help getting through the struggles of life with chronic illness?

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." -Ecclesiastes 4:8-10

Where's Tonto?

"I feel like the Lone Ranger," my husband said to me last night, sighing as he made the difficult decision to go home for a good night's rest rather than sticking it out at the hospital for another night with me. Part of me was angry and hurt because I am afraid to stay at the hospital alone due to unpleasant past experiences. On the other hand, I recognized he was burned out physically and emotionally and needed his own bed. While I've been either hospitalized or bed-ridden for the past month, he's been trying to run our small business, take care of things at home, take care of me and/or stay by my side 24/7 in the hospital, plan and prepare most of Thanksgiving dinner, run all of our personal errands, and take over the few administrative duties I can still do for our business all on his own. So his "Lone Ranger" sentiment is understandable.

But even the Lone Ranger had a side-kick: Tonto, someone he could talk to along the trail and count on to have his back. Even his horse Silver would pitch in once in a while, dragging him to water when he'd been injured by an outlaw. Because we have no family living nearby, we recently moved to a new area of a large city and have visited our new church only a handful of times, and we have very few friends in our lives that are willing to roll up their sleeves and be involved in our often-dramatic lives, we have sadly grown quite used to bearing our burdens alone. We are thankful for God's grace, for each other, as well as long-distance family and friends who pray for us and encourage us via phone and internet. But sometimes you just need back-up. Like someone who will offer to drop off one of your diet-specific meals, take you to the doctor, or stop by and let the dogs out for some exercise while you're in the hospital.

Everyone is busy and everyone has less-complicated friendships to put their effort into. I know this. But everyone needs someone to talk to along the trail. Someone to count on to have your back. So for MY Lone Ranger's sake...where's Tonto? Heck...I'm sure he'd even settle for someone to just drag him to water.

Some thoughts and ideas I've shared before about being someone's "side-kick":
If We Are the Body
Get With the Program

Unlocked by Karen Kingsbury: A Book Review

Holden Harris is an autistic, high school senior whose father has given up on his ever being normal again, leaving his mother to deal with the day-to-day struggles of parenting a special-needs child. While Holden's mom Tracy holds on to hope and prays for a miracle to release her son from the prison of his autism, he is reunited with his childhood best friend Ella Reynolds, the popular daughter of Tracy's one-time closest friend, who abandoned Tracy shortly after Holden's diagnosis. Through Ella's friendship and Holden's love for music, miracles begin to happen not only for Holden, but also for his parents, his high school, and Ella's family as well.

So many topics that hit close to home for me were touched on in this riveting story. Karen Kingsbury demonstrates so clearly how those of us with chronic illness and our caretakers are often abandoned by our loved ones -often out of fear or not knowing how to deal with the situation- both physically and emotionally, just when we need them most. And the way people ignore, tease, and treat Holden differently because of his illness is sadly typical of how our culture regards those of us with disabilities. But Tracy Harris' strength in the midst of adversity and her fragile faith and hope in God is nothing short of inspiring. Likewise, the courage and compassion of young Ella to reach out to Holden is a testament to the power of one to make a difference. Unlocked is truly another in a long list of Kingsbury's "Life-Changing Fiction."

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Zondervan as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Easy Button - The Conclusion

So, whatever happened with my search for the Easy Button? I'm sure you're dying to know "the rest of the story." I am too! I don't think there IS an end. But there's definitely a lesson in there somewhere. I've been praying for over a year now that God would "show me great and mighty things I do not know" in regard to my health, our business, and my marriage. If you've read previous posts, you know I have these "333" sightings all the time and use them to remind me of Jeremiah 33:3. Each time I see the triple 3's, I pray that request to God. The past 18 months have been very difficult and very uncomfortable. In my experience, if you keep trusting God through times like these, it usually results in God doing a great work in your life. But I'll admit it: I can be impatient. And God and I have had some pretty heated conversations over the past several months. I even asked HIM about the Easy Button. And here's what He told me:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

He kept giving me that passage, and I didn't get it at first. But then I changed my outlook and decided to trust that God had a purpose in all of this. I still don't know everything He has planned, but I started to see that he'd been answering my prayers all along. Without the recent seriousness of my health condition, I don't think I would have had the motivation to take charge of my health like I have. After just a few months, I have seen amazing improvements in my body. I believe there are better days ahead. When we moved from our beautiful home, I was hurt and angry. But the house we live in now is within 15 minutes of our clients and my doctors. And we live within a few miles of all the health food stores where I do a lot of my food shopping. We have a much smaller yard and home to take care of. This has taken a huge amount of stress off my husband, who had to drive at least an hour to get home from work every day, to take me to the doctor, and to make a special trip out here to get the food I need from the health food store. If I have an emergency at home, he can get to me in minutes, and he's been getting home earlier each evening.

There have been some other opportunities in the area of our business that have opened up because of our move, although we're still waiting to see how God works this out. And although I still don't have the answers about why we don't seem to have a support system in our lives to help out with the heavy burden my health puts on our lives, I am hopeful that the Lord will give us His divine revelation on practical ways we can lessen that burden on my husband's life. God has blessed me with the opportunity to work with a Christian life coach, and she gave me a great word picture to give me hope in this area. She explained that people often say, "that's the last straw," in referring to that circumstance that causes someone to say like Popeye, "That's all I can stands; I can't stands no more!" But what if we could remove things, one straw at a time - one burden at a time? We don't have to solve all our problems with some big epiphany all at once. Sometimes it's just one little solution at a time. And that sounds do-able to me.

So, although I didn't find a big red button to push, I'm starting to understand that quiet voice that keeps telling me, "Give it to Me; let Me carry that weight for you. Just rest in My loving arms and trust." His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.

If We Are the Body...

A good friend and I have been discussing lately the issue of the body of Christ serving one another and bearing each others' burdens. If we as Christians were truly following the example of Christ and the early church, there would be a lot fewer Christians who are feeling defeated, disconnected, and overwhelmed by life's trying circumstances. That is exactly what the Enemy wants, of course: to keep Christians out of the fight and out of the way of his plans to thwart the cause of Christ.

My dear friend is a young mother who truly desires to please God and raise her children to know and serve Him. But with three very young children at home, she often feels overwhelmed and in desperate need of a break or some quality time alone with her husband. I know that there must certainly be other mothers in her local church who find themselves in this situation as well; could they not trade babysitting services to give other moms a break? What about single ladies in the church or young married couples without children? This could be a real opportunity for them to serve and to learn what it is like to walk in another's shoes. What about a retired couple whose grandchildren live far away? What a mutual blessing it would be for them to "adopt" some children from their church and offer to take them to the zoo, the museum, or the park for the day so Mom can actually get her hair cut or go out on a date with her husband!

But what happens instead? We look at our own situation and how frustrated and discouraged we are that we're a busy mom, a lonely widow, or a couple struggling with the pain of infertility. The Bible tells us that we should follow Christ's example, look at how others around us are struggling, and put their needs above our own (Philippians 2:1-11). When we are willing to do this, not only will we be blessed for our selflessness, but we might find that our own needs will be fulfilled as well. For example, I have a friend with 7 children who has basically been a single mom for the past several months. Yet every time she is going to be near the health food store, she calls me, who is stuck at home because of chronic illness and cannot drive, to see if there's anything I need from the store. She also has a job outside the home, but she came over my house with one of her daughters on a Saturday and cleaned my house because she saw that I was having a tough time. And my husband and I have been able to serve some of her needs as well. What a wonderful blessing to both of us! This is the plan God has for His people! Every part of the body has its own abilities and weaknesses and can serve another member in areas where they are weak.

But we are often unwilling to step out of our comfort zone or make a sacrifice for another brother or sister in Christ. After all, it's more convenient to just invite that couple over that you've known for 10 years because their kids get along with your kids and your spouses hit it off. But what about that couple that's new to the church and have no established friendships or even family that they can fellowship with or call on when they need some help? What about the couple that doesn't have children? It may be a bit more challenging to hang out with that couple because your children won't be occupied and playing with their friends, but don't those people need friends too? You're comfortable having a girls' night out with your two best girlfriends, but what about your friend with chronic illness? She might slow you down at the mall or the beach because she can't keep up with your pace. How about having a single mom over to your house so her boys can throw a football around or learn to work on the car with your sons and your husband? - guy things her son doesn't get to do.

Just something to think about. We all have needs and struggles in life, but we don't have to handle it all on our own. God has adopted us into His family, and He has given us thousands of brothers and sisters in Christ from all different backgrounds, family situations, financial conditions, and special talents and abilities that we can draw upon. Let's reach out to our Christian family and build one another up so that we can bring glory to God and win souls for eternity by the example of our faith and testimony.

"...there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." -I Corinthians 12:20-27