A Fungus Among Us

Last fall we moved into a new house. We knew there had been a leaky roof that caused the addition to rot and required it to be completely redone. We didn't think much about it since the damage had been repaired. We also had a problem with the dryer vent backing up and allowing moist air from the dryer to come into the house. It bothered my allergies, but we finally got it fixed and thought that was the end of it.

A few weeks after moving in I was hospitalized with a case of pancreatitis. Although I don't drink or take drugs, I eat a healthy diet, and despite having every test in the world on my liver, gall bladder, upper and lower GI tract, they could find no cause for the pancreatitis. Then, a month later I was hospitalized for pancreatitis again, and they found ulcers in my upper stomach area. We assumed it was related to medication I was taking for narcolepsy with cataplexy, so I stopped the medications. After a couple months of eating a strict diet of soft foods and taking probiotics and L-glutamine, I seemed fine.

Then, a month ago, the painful symptoms of pancreatitis and stomach ulcers returned along with bleeding sores, Chron's-like symptoms, and the inability to eat solid food. That's when I realized this was my third GI flare since moving into this house. I knew there had to be a connection. So we did a home mold test kit. You can see the photo above of the mold spores that grew from our air samples in two different rooms. So I talked to my doctor and showed her this article about what inhaling mold can do to the body, which includes respiratory, digestive, cardiac, and even neurological symptoms. Scary stuff! She put me on a 10-day course of the antifungal medication Diflucan. After 4 days, I felt much better and was able to eat solid food for the first time in 3 weeks.

But now the medicine has worn off, and I am in agony again. We spent the last 3 days making huge batches of chicken stock and broccoli cheese soup in this huge 22-quart pot my husband found.

I spoke with someone at Healthy Perceptions an air and water purification company, and they told me that because I have a mold allergy, due to my symptoms since we moved in, and - based on the results of our mold test - since we have enough airborne mold to cause concern, they recommended their Zone Air Purification system. We purchased 3 of their Aclare Air Purifiers to treat the air in our home.

Because I am perfectly miserable and have been for over a month, I can't wait until the air purifiers get here and I can start feeling better. One of our dogs, Xander, has been very sick with respiratory issues as well. He has no bacterial or viral infections and allergy treatments have not helped. We believe the mold is affecting him as well. We're treating him with natural antifungals and assisting his congestion and inflammation with nettles and eyebright and using eucalyptus oil on his ears at night to help him breathe. I feel so badly for him!

I'll keep you updated on how we both feel after we get the air treatment units!

Waiting for Morning

by Karen Kingsbury
A Book Review

" Great is Thy Faithfulness" was Hannah Ryan's favorite hymn. Having experienced a carefree life where she married her childhood sweetheart and raised two beautiful girls in a comfortable lifestyle, it was easy to believe God was faithful. But when a drunk driver killed her husband and oldest daughter, she turned away from God and made revenge against that driver her life's purpose. Entrenched in bitterness and anger, she even ignored her surviving daughter Jenny who is struggling with her grief and desires to take her own life. But God continued to pursue Hannah through a MADD activist, the prosecutor in the drunk driving case, and a final message from her dying husband.

This story is painful to read not only because of the tragic circumstances, but also because of Hannah's attitude toward her young daughter Jenny, whom she ignores and whose pain she actually taunts. I find it difficult to believe any mother who just lost her other daughter and her husband would be so callous. But then again, it's hard to know how you would react until you are faced with the unthinkable. I identified with Hannah's struggle to forgive Brian Wesley, the man who robbed her of her family, and her feeling of betrayal toward her MADD friend Carol who secretly befriends Brian. I was also relieved to discover an authentic story where Christians aren't miraculously spared from tragedy or immediately react with thankfulness when it strikes their lives. It's real and it's raw, and it's classic Kingsbury. Buy Book 1 in the "Forever Faithful" series here.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Guest Post - Healing Words

Check out Invisible Illness Week's blog right here for my guest post today "Healing Words," an article which was recently featured here at A Fragile Faith. Invisible Illness Week is an annual event hosted by Lisa Copen of Rest Ministries

and is designed to raise awareness about chronic illness and provide resources for those of us who live with a chronic health condition. Invisible Illness Awareness Week is September 12-18, 2011, and the theme is "Deep Breath, Start Fresh."

Harvest of Grace - Book GIVEAWAY and Review

Read and comment on my review for a chance to WIN my copy of Harvest of Grace by Cindy Woodsmall. Drawing will be on Wednesday, August 17. See below for details.

Sylvia Fisher loves farming, her family, and her beau Elam. But when a painful betrayal drives her far away from all that she loves, she focuses her love of farming into a foreman position at another Amish family's farm. Michael and Dora Blank's farm is suffering due to family tragedies, including their son Aaron's alcohol addiction and recent death of their only daughter. Just when they feel Sylvia is the answer to rebuilding their farm and healing their hearts, Aaron returns from rehab with hopes of reconciling with his parents and selling the farm to pursue his own dreams. Although Sylvia and Aaron seem to have conflicting goals, they are drawn together by their need to find forgiveness, redemption, and healing.

Because this is Book 3 in the Ada's House series, there are multiple subplots happening besides the story of Sylvia Fisher and Aaron Blank. Although the author makes a valiant effort to catch up any new readers, I often found myself referring back to the list of characters to keep everyone straight in my mind. Based on what I've experienced from reading other Amish fiction, the dialogue and even the circumstances often didn't quite ring true, but I did find the theme of grace and redemption to be thought-provoking. If you enjoy Amish fiction, you'll find this author uniquely different; and I would recommend reading the series in order rather than coming into the middle as I did.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

TO WIN A FREE COPY OF HARVEST OF GRACE:

Each of the following is worth one entry into the drawing. Please leave a comment for each action, including your email address or FB/Twitter username so we can contact you.

1. Follow "A Fragile Faith" blog on Networked Blogs for Facebook.
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5. Follow "A Fragile Faith" with Google Friend Connect (top right corner of blog).

Healing Words

"The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." -Proverbs 12:18

Yesterday I had a great conversation with a health and fitness coach with whom I recently started working. Not only did she give me some great ideas to work toward my personal goals, but I also found myself leaving the conversation with a lot more hope than I've felt in a long time. It's interesting I should be so hopeful because I'm really having a tough time physically right now. And we also spent a fair amount of time discussing my past history of chronic illness, a topic that usually drains me and makes me sad. Instead, she was able to focus on the accomplishments I've made in the past two years toward a healthier me.

I later realized my coach did a simple yet powerful thing: she used her words to bring healing. Healing to my spirit and even to my body. After we spoke I was more inspired to remain on the path of a healthy lifestyle, and I was so energized by hope that I went ahead and started my new exercise program that I've been putting off for months because I didn't feel well enough to try. Which, in turn, inspired me to eat healthy and work out again today. And maybe I'm imagining things, but my current flaring health symptoms seem to be better too.

Recently I've had a lot of reckless words spoken into my life and my health situation. Well-meaning family members, friends, and doctors have said things that to some degree, robbed me of hope, faith, and joy. It's been a fierce battle in my heart to fight off the constant barrage of negativity their words created. What a contrast with my experience yesterday!

This is a great lesson for all of us. Before we share that "helpful" idea or something "the Lord laid on our heart" that our loved one "needs" to hear, let's ask ourselves if we are planting seeds of hope and healing or if we are truly piercing them with the sword of our reckless words.


"Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." -Psalm 141:3

A Work in Progress

"If you eat so healthy, take nutritional supplements, filter your water, try to avoid chemicals, and do all these healthy things, why are you so sick?"

I get this question a lot. Especially if, out of concern for a loved one's health, I recommend something natural for a health problem they're suffering with. And if they don't say it, I still sometimes get a look that says, "Why should I take YOUR advice on being healthy? I'm healthier than you!" I get it. And if you've ever wondered that, here's my answer.

1. It took YEARS for me to get this ill. It's going to take years to undo the damage. I had health problems as a child and have had serious chronic conditions for over half my life.

2. The longer you go with an undiagnosed, misdiagnosed, or improperly treated health condition, the more damage is done to your body, the more health conditions you develop, and the harder it is to get a handle on them.

3. I wasted a lot of years doing the wrong things. These are some of those things:

...Letting traditional medicine doctors "practice" medicine on me by doing surgeries, giving me all kinds of pharmaceutical drugs to treat symptoms, run diagnostic test after diagnostic test, and just overall being on a "treadmill" of conventional medicine. Which made me more and more ill.

...Getting sick of traditional medicine and therefore ignoring it completely and trying to "heal myself" with my own knowledge.

...Trying every alternative method of healing under the sun like juicing, fasting, taking supplements, making drastic dietary changes, all without any supervision or knowing the underlying CAUSE of my health condition.

4. Everyone experiences setbacks on the path to wherever they're going. That doesn't mean you're on the wrong path; sometimes it just means you need to make an adjustment.

5. I don't know everything. Honestly, most of what I've discovered about my health conditions has been through my own research, not from what I've learned from medical professionals. There is a lot of misinformation out there, making the right information hard to find. I'm always learning and discovering new pieces to the puzzle. It's hard work and takes a lot of fortitude.

6. Look how far I've come! If you've known me for any length of time, you know I've been through a lifetime of physical suffering. And you also know that in the past few years, I've had some really big improvements. You won't see me on the cover of any health and fitness magazines, but my quality of life has drastically changed since I discovered the following:

...When you already have debilitating illness, you can't choose either traditional or alternative medicine to the exclusion of the other. I tried it both ways, and I've found that the best thing to do is use integrated medicine. That means you make wise decisions about everything you put into your body and try to choose things that are the least invasive and the least foreign to your body. Occasionally, that requires taking traditional medicines.

...When you have new symptoms, rather than look for a diagnosis and something to treat those symptoms, look for the CAUSE. Everything in the body is related to the body as a whole.

...No matter how healthy you eat, if you have untreated hormone deficiencies or organs in your endocrine system that are failing, you will not feel well because hormones affect everything. I've been blessed to discover some information that finally has me on the path to healing my hormone issues.

So be patient. Don't judge me yet. I am a work in progress.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on..." Philippians 3:12

Tropical Traditions Coconut Oil

In recent years we've all heard about the health benefits of coconut oil. But honestly, I tried several different brands and just couldn't stomach the taste. So when I heard about Tropical Traditions Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil , I was skeptical. But I decided to try it out and share my findings with you. Here's what I discovered:

1. It tastes good! You can literally eat it by the spoonful. It doesn't have that strong taste I've experienced in other well-known health food store brands.

2. It liquefies when it gets over 76 degrees, so you can use it as a solid or as a liquid oil.

3. It has tons of uses. Here are some things I used it for...

-To grease pans for baking
-In place of "vegetable oil" in recipes
-For severe dry skin after a sunburn
-As a scalp and hair conditioner
-To cure dry, cracked heels
-For chapped lips
-In some of my favorite recipes like Snack Bars and Cinnamon Roasted Almonds
-In some of Tropical Traditions recipes like Coconut Cream Hot Chocolate and Quick Chocolate Coconut Fudge, which were both delicious

I noticed that my dogs would go crazy when I opened the jar, so when I read that coconut oil is very good for pets too, I also bought the Expeller-Pressed Coconut Oil for Pets. I put a spoonful on my dogs' and cats' food, and they LOVE it!

Bottom line: You already know coconut oil is good for you, so why not use the highest-quality, best-tasting coconut oil available? Visit the Tropical Traditions website to buy your Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil and many other great coconut products!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil free from Tropical Traditions as part of their product review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

You're Fired!

Two minutes into my appointment my narcolepsy specialist basically pulls a Donald Trump and tells me he no longer wants to be my doctor. Why? Because he just found out I'm taking hydrocortisone for severe adrenal fatigue. He tells me there's no such thing as adrenal fatigue and that I'm getting "bad information" from my doctor. He said, "You do NOT have adrenal disease. Have you ever SEEN what a person looks like who ACTUALLY has adrenal disease"? To which I reply, "Yep. Every time I look in the mirror." I also told him that I was not asking his advice on hormone-related issues, just as I don't ask my hormone specialist to treat or advise on my narcolepsy.

I've butted heads with this doctor before over my holistic and integrated approach to medical treatment. But he's used to "knowing everything" and having patients just blindly accept his advice. The problem is, the drugs he had me on caused me to gain 70 pounds, made my depression worse, gave me kidney stones, atrial flutter, stomach ulcers, tooth enamel damage, etc. At one point, I had to decide that the pharmaceutical cocktails were only making me worse. He's had a bee in his bonnet ever since.

Ordinarily, I would have already said "sayonara" to a doctor with such an obvious god complex. I mean, I don't drive ten hours round-trip to see this guy because he's so warm and fuzzy. The problem is, he's the only doctor I've found that is knowledgeable about narcolepsy with cataplexy and is willing and able to prescribe Xyrem, the medicine I take that helps me to get restorative sleep. It's the ONLY narcolepsy-related pharmaceutical that I take, and I have found NOTHING else that comes to close to working well for me. In addition, I'm smack-dab in the middle of my Social Security Disability case, and he's the main doctor that is providing documentation of my disability.

So three minutes into my appointment, I go into a full cataplexy attack. Meanwhile, he's telling my husband that 5-htp, which I'm taking instead of antidepressants to help treat catapexy, killed a bunch of people several years ago. Total lie. And that it comes from China. Total misinformation. I don't know if he learned his scare tactics from the democratic party or what. There was a tainted batch of L-tryptophan that killed some people many years ago. But 5-htp is NOT L-tryptophan. And the company that makes it does not get their ingredients from China.

Two cataplexy attacks later, I leave with the answer to only ONE of the narcolepsy-related questions I needed addressed at this semi-annual visit. So he did at least decrease my Xyrem dose to address the sleep eating problem. Apparently this is common when your dose is too high. Who knew? I've gained about 15 pounds since I started sleep eating, so at least one positive thing came out of the visit. But now I have start all over with a new doctor, after I had to fight my HMO to get special permission to go outside my service area to see THIS winner. If anyone knows of a narcolepsy specialist in the Northeast Florida area that doesn't have H.U.B. Disease, AND is knowledgeable about Xyrem, please let me know!

The Canary List

By Sigmund Brouwer
A Book Review and GIVEAWAY!

Who do you turn to when darkness and evil are hunting you? When 12-year-old troubled foster child Jaimie turns to her teacher Crockett Grey for help, she has no idea how much his life will be turned upside-down. Soon Crockett is accused of unspeakable crimes and wrapped up in a tangled web involving hackers, exorcists, psychologists, and the Roman Catholic church. While fighting to clear his name, Grey discovers the plot to smear him is a means to insure a cover-up of corruption in the Church and protect Jaime's unique abilities to sense evil. But who can he trust? And is this evil real or just part of a religious-political agenda?

Rarely have I been so completely enthralled in a novel! This plot will keep you guessing and re-guessing until the very last page. And with the topic of religious corruption and references to the cover-up of sexual abuse and demonic activity in the Catholic church, it's amazing how true-to-life the story feels. This is my first book by Brouwer, but it certainly will not be my last!

Click here to download the first chapter of The Canary List, and you will be hooked. Want to win my Advanced Reading Copy? See below for details.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

TO WIN A FREE COPY OF THE CANARY LIST:

Each of the following is worth one entry into the drawing. Please leave a comment for each action, including your email address.

1. Follow "A Fragile Faith" on Networked Blogs for Facebook.
2. Subscribe to "A Fragile Faith" via email.
3. Follow @M1ssDiagnosis on Twitter and Tweet about the book giveaway
4. Share this book review on Twitter, FB, etc.
5. Follow "A Fragile Faith" with Google Friend Connect (top right corner of blog).

Winner will be notified by email on Wednesday, July 13.

Hearing Voices

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." -2 Corinthians 10:5

I spent two hours this morning listening to The Voices. Don't call the men in the white coats! It happens to all of us sometimes: we hear the replays of something hurtful that was said - something that cut us to our very soul. We feel rejected, ashamed, worthless. But then I heard another Voice speaking Truth and Love into my heart...

"I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU FOR AWHILE."
"I will never leave you or forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU OR BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE YOU'RE SO NEGATIVE."
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." -Psalm 56:8

"SOME OF US DON'T GET TO SLEEP IN UNTIL 10AM EVERY DAY OR LIE DOWN AND REST WHENEVER WE WANT."
"...for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." -Psalm 103:14

"I'M TIRED AND DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW."
"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You perceive my thoughts from afar. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely." -Psalm 139:1-4

"NOW'S NOT REALLY A GOOD TIME TO VISIT; THERE'S JUST A LOT GOING ON."
"Whoever comes to me I will never drive away."
-John 6:37

"YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ALL DAY. YOU DON'T CONTRIBUTE."
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

"IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU, BUT I WANT TO GO SAY 'HELLO' TO SOMEONE [more interesting]."
"The Lord your God...will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17

"EVERYONE'S BAILING ON YOU RIGHT NOW, AREN'T THEY?"
"I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God." -Isaiah 41:9-10

"OH? YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE IN SUNDAY SCHOOL FOR 5 WEEKS?"
"You know when I sit and when I rise. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" -Psalm 139:2,7

"Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will learn to listen and believe the Voice of Truth." -Casting Crowns

These Four Walls

I'm only 34 years old, so people probably don't think of me as a "shut-in." When I was growing up, that's what we used to call old people who couldn't get out of the house. But that pretty much describes me. I can't drive and can't leave the house, even for a walk, without having someone with me. Want to know what it's like? In a word, lonely.

It puts a real damper on your social life when you can't just pick up the phone and call a girlfriend to meet you for lunch. To be honest, I'm afraid to make new friends because I've been rejected so many times by people who don't want to deal with the high-maintenance friend that requires a wheelchair, medication, and an instruction manual to go anywhere. So my friends are people I talk to on the phone or chat with online. Virtual people, really.

I try to stay in touch with the world through the internet, books, and TV. And the highlight of my day is when my husband comes home from work because I get to see a real live human being. Sometimes I even get to have a conversation with him if he's not too tired from being among Real People all day. Once in a while he'll call me on the way home and ask if I want to go out to dinner. If it's a pretty good day I'll take a shower, put on clothing one would wear in public, and do my hair and makeup. Then I get to pretend for about an hour that I'm a normal person doing normal things.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like the world has forgotten about me. That I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. So I look for little ways that I can make a difference from inside my four walls. Things like writing this blog, sharing info on social networking sites, and singing once a week in my church choir with all my heart and voice. The rest of the time I fight those feelings of loneliness and desperation by listening closely for the voice of the One who knows me best and loves me most. I am His Treasure, and I am precious in His eyes.

The Cause Within You

A Book Review


For those of us who have always been taught that God has a plan and a purpose for each of us, often the next question is "But what is it?" If this is something you've been asking yourself or if you already know your purpose but just don't where to begin, this book is probably for you. Author Matthew Barnett shares his personal story about founding a non-profit outreach called the Dream Center to minister to some of the most desperately hopeless people in Los Angeles, CA. Through sharing his journey and those of the many volunteers who have shared in his cause, he gives practical methods for finding the cause you were created for, rolling up your sleeves, and allowing God to bless your efforts.

It's difficult not to be inspired by Barnett and his team when reading about the lives that are changed through this ministry and the believers who are actually out in the world putting "feet to their faith." I think we all have a hunger to do something that really matters instead of just living a mundane, superficial life day after day. The way Barnett was able to translate his experiences, whether failures or successes, into practical applications for others makes this much more than an autobiography. It's also a challenge for each of us to find our personal cause and begin living it now or to join someone else's until we do.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Day the Music Lived

"Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you, but I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales."
-August Rush



I don't know when the music died in my heart.

Maybe it died a little bit the first time someone told me my music was "too contemporary for church."

Maybe it was when a "well-meaning Christian" told me that I shouldn't sing about faith until mine was stronger.

Perhaps I believed the lies of the Enemy that I was too flawed, too damaged, to share my songs of faith with others.

Could it be that I was told too many times that I needed to take some time off from music because of chronic illness?

It's possible that the loneliness of being housebound day after day, feeling forgotten by the world, began to eat away at the music.

Did I let the fear that my illnesses would be a distraction to the worship of others cause my lips to be still, my voice to be hushed?

But I am a worshiper. I have the heart of a worshiper. With all my faults, my weaknesses, and my failures, God has gifted me to praise Him and lead others to praise Him. I will keep silent no longer. I will not let the rocks cry out in praise to God in my place.

There is a silent place in my corner of the world that needs to be filled with the sounds of uninhibited, reckless worship to my Savior. And I will use my voice.

"I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live." -Psalm 104:33

Distractions

"It is our goal at Elevation [Church] to offer a distraction free environment for all our guests..." That was the response from a church who has found itself in a media firestorm after reportedly escorting a mother and her young disabled son from the Easter worship service when he shared an audible "Amen." My initial response was one of shock and anger because I, too, have been told that I was a distraction due to my health issues and was asked to leave my Christian college where I was studying for the ministry. I remember thinking, "Sure, I have chronic illness, but don't I deserve to have a life too?"

I really wanted to be sure I had the whole story and not just a bunch of one-sided media hype. When I spoke with Campus Pastor John Bishop, he admitted that "distraction was a poor choice of words" in this case and that they were trying to communicate that anyone exhibiting distracting behaviors like "ringing cell phones, people leaving from the front row and trying to go back to that same seat, or other loud noises" was encouraged to use the overflow area, which he says is about 20 feet from where Helms and her son were seated before they were relocated. According to Bishop, Helms was discreetly approached by an usher he describes as "an incredible man" on two occasions to make her aware the overflow room was available, but when her 12-year-old son, who has cerebral palsy, continued to make loud, unintelligible sounds (his mom says he was saying "Amen"), they were asked to move to the area where they could "have the exact same message and experience" without disturbing others. The pastor also explained, "There is no rule that keeps anybody out of the auditorium" and that "most people will remove themselves" to the overflow area if they are in one of these types of situations.

I'm a preacher's kid, so I understand the need for things to be done "decently and in order" and especially for people to have an opportunity to hear the life-changing message of the gospel. But I have to wonder where we draw the line. I was assured that Elevation Church doesn't discourage others from shouting "Amen" or being expressive in worship...unless it becomes a distraction. I guess because people could not understand Jackson Helms' expressions of worship, it was unacceptable. I'm just not sure what exactly should have been done in that situation. And on a personal note, I'm often afraid that my cataplexy attacks could distract others who may think I've fallen asleep, or that I really shouldn't sing in the choir because of the possibility of experiencing muscle weakness and collapsing before the congregation. Should I just not serve at all so I don't disturb anyone's experience?

This was a tough topic for me because it hit so close to home. But I can't help but think it's so easy to view people and their problems as a distraction instead of an opportunity for us to have compassion, to reach out, and to even learn from them. Even Jesus' apostles felt that children wanting to see Jesus were a distraction, but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them." And when Jesus was preaching, some men tore off the roof to lower a paralyzed man down to be touched by the Healer. I bet that wasn't on the Order of Service!

I'm sure Bishop and the usher involved weren't trying to embarrass anyone or cause them to feel unwelcome. And from the statement the church later issued, it's clear they have programs for those with special needs and are doing more to learn about how to provide a better experience for them in the future. In 18 years of living with chronic illness I've learned that people do not understand what it's like to live with illness or disability, and they probably never will unless they experience it personally or through a loved one. They'll likely never appreciate the valiant effort it takes physically and emotionally for someone like us to even make it to a worship service. But we can all be a little more understanding and loving, realizing that church is not a building or a well-orchestrated performance, but a group of people who love the Lord and want to grow and share our lives with others like us. But life is chaotic, it's loud, and it's sometimes distracting to our vision and expectations. Let's make room for those distractions, even if someone tears off a roof now and then!

Guest Post - Deanna's Story

I am honored today to do a guest post for fellow- spoonie Ashley on her blog Searching for Health. Ashley resides in beautiful British Columbia with her husband and 2 dogs. She was diagnosed with juvenile hypothyroidism at the age of eight and then re-diagnosed with a thyroid conversion problem at the age of thirteen. In 2008 she was finally given a proper name for her illness; she is hypothyroid with partial peripheral thyroid resistance. Searching for Health is Ashley's forum for sharing information on thyroid resistance and empowering individuals with chronic illness to live their healthiest life.

Ashley shares the stories of others on Mondays for a series she calls "My Story Mondays." You can read my story by clicking here:

Passing the Torch - A Tribute to Molly Mizerak

Molly Mizerak
8.18.1962 - 6.1.2011

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith..." -Heb 12:1-2

In just a few minutes, hundreds of people in the Loudoun County, VA area will gather at our former church to celebrate the life of Molly Mizerak, who entered her eternal home in Heaven this past Wednesday after a 3.5-month battle with an aggressive brain tumor. Since I cannot be there in person, I have decided to take a few minutes to remember what she meant in my life and how she has influenced me both in her life and her death.

1. Molly knew Jesus and His Spirit radiated through her. You couldn't be around her for very long without feeling like you were in God's presence. It was evident that she spent time with God and that she was filled with His Spirit. She was like a light in a dark room, and you just wanted to be around and soak in that light.

2. Molly studied the Bible and used the Word to minister to others. She taught me about the power of the Scriptures to overcome spiritual warfare and defeat the Enemy's attacks in my life. She encouraged me to participate in Bible studies when I was struggling with discouragement and depression in my life due to chronic illness, and she even went out and purchased the study books and brought them to me! She knew the power that the Bible had in people's lives.

3. Molly got involved in people's lives and didn't consider their moments of crisis to be an interruption, but an opportunity to share the love of Christ. I can remember calling Molly in the middle of the night to pray with me, share Scripture with me, and encourage me. She was the first one to show up at the hospital when I was admitted and the one bringing me to a prayer service for healing, like the men who carried the paralytic to Jesus. She didn't just talk about spiritual things - she lived them.

4. Molly worshiped with abandon and was sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading at all times. I can remember a clear change in the power of our worship services shortly after the Mizeraks came to our church. Molly always entered into worship with her whole heart, and it led others to a more open heart as well. She never hesitated to share a word about how God was working in her own life and had a very humble and loving way of admonishing others when it was needed.

5. Molly was real and authentic about her walk with God. She was very willing to share her own struggles with anxiety, unforgiveness, and spiritual warfare. She explained how God delivered her and how the Enemy continued to attack her in these areas. It was refreshing and encouraging to know that I was not alone and that someone who clearly loved God as much as Molly experienced her own spiritual battles too.

A few years ago when I was asked in a Bible study to name the 3 most influential people in my Christian walk; in addition to my parents and my youth pastor, I immediately thought of Molly. She influenced people wherever she went and used every day circumstances as moments to teach others. And her faith in the midst of these past few months as she struggled with her health was an example to me and countless others. We will only know in eternity how many people came to Christ or grew in the faith because of her story.

Since her death, reading and hearing the things that were said of her life is a true challenge to me to live my life in such a way that I would be able to leave a testimony of faithfulness for others to follow. Considering Molly's legacy, I am reminded of an old Steve Green song:

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

Molly has passed the torch of her testimony to so many of us left behind. As she cheers us on from heaven, I hope we will accept the challenge and live a life of faith that we learned from her remarkable journey.

Setbacks

People with chronic illness know this well: Just when you think you've got a handle on one aspect of your illness, another crops up to throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing. I've recently had a setback with my thyroid disease because I finally was able to convince my doctor to treat me for adrenal fatigue. It's common for people who have gone for years without a proper diagnosis of thyroid disease and/or those who were on a T4 only medication like Synthroid or Levoxyl to develop adrenal fatigue. I've known for years that my adrenals were causing me problems and contributing to my cataplexy, fatigue, and even excessive sweating. But convincing your doctor of that is another matter.

The new doctor at my primary doctor's practice is much more open to suggestions than other doctors I've seen, especially if you bring her some information to back up your theories. I had been trying to get my doctor to run my Reverse T3 for almost a year now, especially after I stopped losing weight on Armour and began having some hypothyroid symptoms again. This new doctor agreed to run it, and we quickly concluded that my body is not absorbing and utilizing the thyroid hormone that I'm taking, which is why I'm not losing weight, why I'm feeling so tired, why I get huge cracks in the heels of my feet, and why it makes perfect sense that my adrenals are failing too. I'm trying not to be annoyed that almost a year was wasted while my know-it-all doc ignored me, and focusing instead on feeling hopeful that this new doc is willing to treat my adrenals with hydrocortisone (HC).

But it's not easy treating the adrenals, let me tell you. For one thing, we're both at the mercy of piece-meal information. The 1st edition of the Stop the Thyroid Madness (STTM) book says to gradually increase your HC up to the proper dosage. But that would give me these incredibly sickening adrenalin rushes, kind of like the feeling you get after you've run a mile as fast as you can. So I asked people on the STTM Facebook page, and the author told me there had been a revision to the book advising you to begin at the full dose right away to avoid the adrenalin rushes. Ugh. So I started over again.

Then my Armour started making me sick. I would get these horrible gut-wrenching stomach pains, along with severe nausea right after I took my Armour. That's when I was advised to cut back on my thyroid meds. So now I feel terrible because I'm on the wrong dose of Armour. I started having one of the worst hypothyroid symptoms that I haven't experienced in almost two years: digestive issues. That's a polite way of saying that I have to run to the bathroom at a moment's notice. So now I'm carrying ginger root capsules around with me 24/7 like the pre-Armour days. I was told swallowing my HC with apple cider vinegar would help cut down on the stomach issues. Nope. The last time I tried that, I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut; and it felt like that ALL DAY LONG. I'll just stick with the ginger root, thank you.

To make a long story long-ish, I'm feeling a little frustrated and discouraged right now because I've essentially had to make myself feel sick in order to make myself feel better. I'm sure that makes sense in some realm of reality, but right now it just ticks me off. I have the energy of a slug and the personality of a porcupine being poked with a stick. So I just keep muttering this mantra under my breath: "A setback is a setup for a comeback. A setback is a setup for a comeback." Now where are those ginger capsules...

The Day the Music Lived

"Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you, but I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales."
-August Rush


I don't know when the music died in my heart.

Maybe it died a little bit the first time someone told me my music was "too contemporary for church."

Maybe it was when a "well-meaning Christian" told me that I shouldn't sing about faith until mine was stronger.

Perhaps I believed the lies of Enemy that I was too flawed, too damaged, to share my songs of faith with others.

Could it be that I was told too many times that I needed to take some time off from music because of chronic illness?

It's possible that the loneliness of being housebound day after day, feeling forgotten by the world, began to eat away at the music.

Did I let the fear that my illnesses would be a distraction to the worship of others cause my lips to be still, my voice to be hushed?

But I am a worshiper. I have the heart of a worshiper. With all my faults, my weaknesses, and my failures, God has gifted me to praise Him and lead others to praise Him. I will keep silent no longer. I will not let the rocks cry out in praise to God in my place.

There is a silent place in my corner of the world that needs to be filled with the sounds of uninhibited, reckless worship to my Savior. And I will keep quiet no longer.

"I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live." -Psalm 104:33

Narcolepsy for Dummies

NARCOLEPSY FOR DUMMIES - By Fellow-Narcy, Andrea Clark

Narcoleptics (pwns – person with narcolepsy) suffer from an auto-immune disease whose onset is typically in adolescence, but sometimes earlier. There appears to be a trigger, whether it be a virus or a stressor put on the body, which can cover a multitude of things, but as yet researchers have not been able to really pin it down. It is at that time that the brain appears to destroy a part of itself, which researchers have labeled Hypocretin, or Orexin in some circles. Hypocretin is the ‘control’ chemical that regulates our sleep center in the hypothalamus. Pwns no longer have hypocretin, as the brain has destroyed it during childhood/adolescence.

Let’s use the analogy of the sleep center being much like the automatic transmission in a car. Hypocretin is, for the sake of argument, transmission fluid which helps it move smoothly through the gears. The fluid is necessary to have a properly working transmission and without it the sleep center continually ‘slips’ gears. The brain tries to make educated guesses based on levels of other chemicals.

It becomes a catch-22 because we no longer get consolidated sleep, so the levels of the remaining chemicals in our brain are altered. Our sleep center then becomes active 24 hours a day. Using the analogy of slipping gears, the brain is putting us into REM when we’re awake (giving us hypnogognic and hypnopompic hallucinations); it paralyzes us when we are just falling asleep or awakening, creating Sleep Paralysis. It puts the brain into a state of sleep, but our physical bodies are awake, we are talking and moving about, but have no recall of any of it, creating thus we have Automatic Behavior. It is during automatic behavior that our conversations may or may not be cohesive, and we put the dishes away in the refrigerator, the laundry in the oven, for example.

Regarding cataplexy, which is triggered by emotions and stress, the brain is taking those triggers and ‘guessing’ they are a part of REM, thus causing us to collapse and become paralyzed, just as a normal brain paralyzes us during dreaming so we do not act out our dreams. For those with prolonged cataplexy attacks, breathing becomes shallow and slower, because the brain takes over breathing for us, just as it does during REM. The need for ‘air’ is reduced to a level that is sufficient for little more than the body’s automatic systems to keep running. This can create anxiety which only prolongs the attack. Remembering this will keep you calm. Realize the body is not going to let you suffocate.

Hypocretin can be reproduced in the laboratory, but researchers do not know the mechanism it requires to tell it how much to release and at what times. Currently the only way to get hypocretin to the brain would be through daily injections into the spinal column, as they do not at this time know how to get it to pass through the blood/brain barrier.

Memory and cognitive ability are affected because the brain does not have consolidated restorative sleep. Without us realizing it, the time spent in consolidated restorative sleep is just about the most important part of our day as this is the time the brain does its all important maintenance, which is necessary to process memories and retaining what it learns. It is also the time that the brain puts out the order across the body for all our neurotransmitters that are ‘out of whack’ to snap to and get back into sync with one another. It ferrets out what parts of the body needs healing and sends appropriate messages for the body to work on healing.

It usually takes several years, and in some cases decades, for a pt. to be diagnosed with narcolepsy. Most often they are diagnosed with depression because EDS is considered a symptom of depression. They receive little understanding or support and are often considered lazy, unmotivated, or malingerers. Mild cataplexy is often diagnosed as MS, however tests reveal there is no demylanization.

Hypocretin is the all important crux of the problem. It is a major control chemical and when it is missing, the brain will try to make decisions based on other available information, however misguided that may be. However, with the loss of consolidated restorative sleep, thus being sleep deprived, the levels of other chemicals are all wrong. Therein lies the conundrum – hypocretin would help the brain keep those chemicals at their working best. Our body depletes itself of those chemicals throughout the day and ideally they would return to proper levels when we get truly good sleep. Instead the brain can only guess, and does not restore enough of some chemical or over produces others.

Staying with the car analogy, let’s imagine that the computer system of your car relies on your transmission running properly. If that isn’t happening, you are going to be getting all kinds of wrong information, and you may start to put premium gasoline in your tank, the highest grade of synthetic oil, etc. All nice things which makes the car somewhat pleased in the short term, but let’s face it, if your tranny isn’t right, you’re going to find yourself on the shoulder of the highway, waiting for the tow truck because as it stands, you aren’t going anywhere.

Chariots and Horses

Sometimes I forget just how much I lean on my husband. As a housebound person with multiple chronic illnesses, including narcolepsy with cataplexy , there are a lot of things I just can't do for myself. He is my caretaker, my closest friend, and the person who best understands my limitations. When he's not available to me, it's pretty scary. He's on a missions trip in another country right now, and I've been basically alone except for a person who comes to sit with me at night (lest I burn the house down or fail to wake up from my strong sleep medicine should it begin to burn down around me).

Recently he had a very scary, dire incident with his diabetes, and I had to call an ambulance. In addition to worrying about his life I remember thinking, "What am I going to do if something happens to him? Who's going to take care of ME?" Watching him deteriorate quickly from insulin shock right before my eyes was one of the scariest things I ever had to experience. I just kept praying, "Jesus, help me!" in pure desperation, over and over. Because he's such a strong person and focuses most of his energy on caring for ME, it's easy to forget that he has physical limitations too.

With his being gone this week, I've had a renewed sense of how much I depend on him not only for my physical needs, but also for emotional support for the struggles of life. I've had a couple of melt-downs, especially upon hearing that he's had some really rough times with minor insulin shock on the missions trip. My parents and my best friend, who are hundreds of miles away, have done their best to comfort and encourage me, but God began reminding me today that He is my rock, my shelter, my deliverer, my defender, and my refuge. Even when I'll all alone in the physical sense, He is here to hold me up.

I was struck by how important it was for ancient kings to have an arsenal of strong horses and the best chariots so that they could defend themselves in battle, much like our military today depends upon tanks, planes, and weapons for our defense. But King David wisely realized that he could not trust in any sword, or spear, or chariots, or horses to deliver him because the battle is the Lord's, and He is the one who would deliver them. It's so easy for me to see my husband as THE one who meets my needs, and I'm thankful to have someone like him in my life. But today God reassured me of His presence and that I only have to call on HIS name. Lord, help me to put my trust in You.

"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; but we will remember the name of the LORD our God." -Psalm 20:7

Repost: Cataplexy 101

Reposted for National Sleep Awareness Week

The following is some information I pieced together from various sources, including my own experience, to explain what cataplexy is and what to do if I have an attack. Most doctors have never even heard of it and have no idea what to do. I started carrying information sheets around with me to hand out to people and especially to give to all my doctors. Feel free to duplicate this information; we need to educate people about this disease.

WHAT IS CATAPLEXY?
Cataplexy is a feature of the sleep disorder narcolepsy. It is a condition whereby the sufferer, or cataplectic, experiences a total loss of muscle control and postural tone. It is likely to be more severe when a person is tired, under stress, or experiencing strong emotions. It is extremely unpredictable both in severity and frequency. The attacks do not necessarily have a fixed schedule; they may occur occasionally but may also occur multiple times a day. Patients may be prescribed antidepressants to control the attacks and may also take a night-time medicine called Xyrem, the pharmaceutical equivalent of GHB, to produce the quality of sleep needed to help control the attacks. It is important for cataplexy sufferers to adhere to a strict sleep and medicine schedule to avoid severe, prolonged attacks.

WHAT HAPPENS DURING A CATAPLEXY ATTACK?
Cataplexy is often confused with epilepsy. The nature of the attacks may vary from individual to individual. The following characteristics of an attack can occur alone or in combinations with others: perceptible slacking of the facial muscles, dropping of the jaw or head, knee buckling, slumping of the shoulders, slurring of speech, blurred vision, or falling to the floor. When falling to the ground, the cataplectic may appear to lose consciousness but simply remains motionless for a few minutes before resuming normal behaviors or drifting into some prolonged sleep. There is no loss of consciousness or awareness of surroundings; the person can still hear, feel, and sometimes see things that are going on during the attack.

WHAT CAUSES A CATAPLEXY ATTACK?
Cataplexy is often caused by strong emotions such as exhilaration, surprise, fear, anger, stress, shock, laughter, anxiety, etc., but these do not have to be present for an attack to occur. For this reason, a person suffering from cataplexy will not benefit from “revival methods” often used on an unconscious person. Actions such as yelling, slapping, or shaking should be avoided, and sternum rubs or ammonia inhalants will not be effective and can, in fact, make the attack worse by causing anxiety to the patient.

WHAT SHOULD BE DONE FOR A PATIENT DURING AN ATTACK?
1. It is most important to stay calm, remembering that the cataplectic is conscious and aware of your behavior and that your anxiety can affect the severity or length of the attack.
2. Be sure the individual will not injure themselves by falling and that their airway is not obstructed by the position of their neck/head. There is no need to move the person unless one of the above circumstances presents itself.
3. Unless the person has stopped breathing, has no pulse, or has injured herself in some way, CALL THEIR EMERGENCY CONTACT BEFORE CALLING 911. This contact will know more about the disease than almost any medical personnel and can advise you more on how to respond. If they feel emergency medical personnel should be called, that is the time to call.
4. Avoid drawing undue attention to the situation, which can cause embarrassment and discomfort to the individual.
5. Sufferers have different preferences about what onlookers can do to help. Some prefer to be left alone, while others my need to be supported or helped up. It is common for the person to prefer being left alone to recover of their own accord.

HOW DOES THIS DISEASE AFFECT LIFESTYLE?
Cataplexy can be disruptive to daily living. It can cause embarrassment, loss of confidence, and even detrimental consequences to the patient. Further, it can impair most desired activities such as driving, working out at the gym, or even holding a child, because one can never know when the attack might present itself. Because this is a rare condition, most medical personnel will not recognize it or know how to treat it. For this reason, the patient and their regular caregiver should be relied upon greatly for information about both the condition and also that patient’s particular regimen of treatment.

Memories

I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss.

Or at least, that's what I tell people. Actually, I have narcolepsy. And one of the symptoms I experience from the disease is automatic behavior. The best way to describe that is my brain takes little naps throughout the day while my body is still able to function somewhat normally. You may be having a seemingly routine conversation with me, but I probably won't recall it later. There are entire blocks of time for which I have no memory. Family members and friends will refer to something I said or a fun activity we enjoyed, and I will have no idea what they're talking about. I once washed, dried, folded, and put away a load of laundry and spent hours the next day trying to find my pile of dirty clothes.

But lately it's just been getting scary. I've been leaving the stove burners on for hours, forgetting to shave one of my armpits, and forgetting to finish things I started - not knowing they weren't finished. I even answered a business call the other day where the person told me her name and I followed up immediately with, "May I ask who's calling, please?" I'm starting to feel like an elderly person with dementia that shouldn't be left alone.

But this morning I discovered a horrifying new aspect to my automatic behavior: sleep eating. When I walked into the living room this morning, there were crumbs all over the place - I walked through a big pile of what appeared to be chocolate cake crumbs, and there were crushed crackers all over the chaise lounge. While I was getting angry at my husband for making a mess I suddenly remembered a dream I had last night. I dreamed I had fallen asleep on the chaise and woke up with a piece of cheese stuck to my chest and crackers stuck to my thighs. *Light Bulb!*

So my next thought is, "How long has this been going on?" I drastically changed my diet last year to eliminate grains, sugar, and other foods that feed fungus in the body. I lost over 40lbs and greatly improved my chronic health conditions. But then the weight loss came to a crashing halt. I had my metabolism tested, I keep insisting to my doctor that my thyroid must still be off, and I've had some relapse in my health. Is it because I'm eating God-only-knows-what while I'm asleep? You've got to be kidding me.

I guess I need to put locks on the fridge and pantry at night. And get an alarm that warns my husband when I get out of bed. This is getting ridiculous! Anyone have any other ideas? P.S. If you give me a great idea, don't be offended if I don't remember it later. :) I wish I were joking.

Soup is Good Food - Broccoli Cheese

I used to HATE soup. Probably because it reminded me of being sick. And there are a lot of days when I don't feel well due to something related to my chronic illnesses. So the fact that I've been eating soup by the gallon for the past few months is quite strange for me. But my best friend came up with a very healthy, VERY tasty recipe for broccoli cheese soup. It's easy to make, easy on my ulcer-ridden stomach (thanks to my cataplexy medication Nortriptyline, the drug that's also the proud sponsor of my cardiac condition and 70lbs of weight gain I'm still trying to lose the rest of), and it's better than any I've ever tasted.

Since I happen to be down with my semi-annual cold right now, I made a big batch and have been eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I thought you might enjoy the recipe. I'm sure my BFF won't mind that I've adapted it slightly for my taste.

Adapted from Hannah's Broccoli Cheese Soup
Half a stick of organic, unsalted butter
2 cups organic heavy whipping cream
3 cups homemade chicken stock
1 lb. broccoli florets, steamed and cut into small pieces
2 T. Arrowroot powder + 1 T. cold water
Chopped stalk of green onion
Fresh minced garlic, to taste
Sea salt, to taste
Cayenne pepper, to taste
8 ounces yogurt cheese, shredded
8 ounces organic cream cheese, softened at room temperature

Set cream cheese out to soften
Steam broccoli
Melt butter in soup pot
Add cream, allow to warm slowly on low heat
Mix arrowroot and water in a small bowl and slowly add in, whisking gently and allowing to sit until "white sauce" thickens
Add chicken stock
Bring to boil
Add broccoli, chopped onion, and spices
Stir in shredded cheese
Cut cream cheese into small sections and mix in with whisk

You may want to use an immersion blender to mix in the cream cheese, although I don't mind the tiny little lumps. You may also add shredded steamed carrots, along with the broccoli. You can omit the cayenne too, but I like a gentle kick to the soup. Plus cayenne is very good for the stomach, as well as for sore throats!

It makes 5-6 generous servings. I like to store it in Mason jars in the fridge, since I don't want chemicals from plastic ware seeping into my healthy ingredients. It's so gentle on my stomach and very soothing to my cough and sore throat. It takes about 30 minutes to make, and it's very easy to double the recipe for more servings.

Try it and tell me if it's not the BEST soup you've ever tasted! Bon appetit!

Note: This recipe is Know the Cause Phase One Diet-friendly

This post is featured today on the Easy Natural Food blog for Sunday Night Soup Night.

Tandem

by Tracey Bateman
A Book Review

The small town of Abbey Hills, Missouri is revisited by brutal, ritualistic killings just months after a similar killer was presumably killed in a house fire. Lauryn McBride, whose auction house is handling the sale of the estate of the deceased victim Markus Chisom, finds herself entangled in centuries of secrets surrounding the mysterious family, as well as in her own personal struggles caring for her ailing father and reconnecting with a past love. Inevitably, anyone involved in either the murders or the Chisom estate has to face his own person demons, literal and figurative, to find closure and redemption.

A lot of people might think a Christian vampire novel is an oxymoron. But not only is this not JUST a vampire novel, it is also very clear that the vampire characters who feel no remorse for their lifestyle suffer an endless, empty, Godless existence. In contrast, those who realize their behavior separates them from God are able to seek redemption and find peace. There are a lot of characters, flashbacks, and plenty going on in this story, which makes it difficult to follow at times. However, the supernatural elements are intriguing, and the emotional struggles of the characters tug at the heart. (Although I didn't personally endorse the relationship between Lauryn and the missionary love-interest character, Billy -2 Corinthians 6:14) Overall, I found it a fascinating read.

Check out the first two chapters for free. After that, you'll want to buy the book for sure.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Permanently Disabled

Photo taken from the gun deck at Castillo de San Marcos, by my sweet husband so that I could see it too!

I guess I look like a healthy person. People can't usually tell just at a glance that I struggle with many chronic illnesses. But whenever I want to do an activity where there's a lot of standing or walking, I have to use a power wheelchair to get around. Then I'm suddenly categorized as a "disabled person." But until last Friday, I had never had anyone ask if I am "permanently disabled." The question really threw me.

We were spending the afternoon together in St. Augustine, enjoying the beautiful weather and browsing the little shops. We decided to ask if I would be able to go into the fort with my wheelchair. That's when I got The Question. (Apparently people with permanent disabilities get to go in for free. And if you get a Permanent Disability Pass, you can get into any National Park for free also). I guess it just kind of hit me hard because I had to literally stop and let the fact wash over me that my illness is most likely a permanent condition. I've been trying everything under the sun to change that, and I've definitely been able to improve my condition and my quality of life to some degree. But I'll probably never be able to climb the steps to the St. Augustine lighthouse or go up to the gun deck of the fort ever again. I was feeling a little sorry for myself as I watched from below as my husband took the stairs up to the gun deck.

I've been procrastinating for almost two years on filing for my Social Security disability, and I wasn't quite sure why. But I now realize it's just been a matter of denial. I really hoped that I would never need to claim the status of Disabled. I think I saw it as admitting defeat to my illness. And I'm not a quitter. Never mind the fact that our health expenses and food budget have both DOUBLED over the past two years due to my illnesses and that we could really use that money to offset some of those extra bills. Not to mention that I don't want to be dependent on society, my husband, or anyone else to care for me. But that's just part of my reality. I guess it's time to accept it.

Someone to Blame by C.S. Lakin

A Book Review

Having been through the tragic deaths of both their sons, the Moore family decides on a fresh start in a small coastal town. But they soon find they cannot escape the bitterness, unforgiveness, and blame still weighing heavily on each of them. But when a young, disagreeable stranger shows up in town around the same time as a spree of petty crimes and becomes persona non grata, the Moore family has a chance to learn about grace and forgiveness.

A gripping story with strongly sympathetic characters, this seems to be a compelling lesson about compassion, forgiveness, and wrongly judging others. However, I couldn't help but notice the author's perceived liberal ideology seeping through to the subtext. She seems to strongly imply that America is to blame for most of the world's inequality, that our country looks for opportunities to exploit the disenfranchised, and that those who prefer country living and also treasure our Constitutional rights to protect our lives and property are actually trigger-happy vigilantes. This kind of "blame America" mentality and stereotyping seems to directly contradict with the larger moral of the story.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Zondervan as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Miracle of Mercy Land by River Jordan

A Book Review

Mercy Land was "born in a bolt of lightning on the banks of Bittersweet Creek" in 1930's Alabama. In a time when young women were expected to aspire to marriage and motherhood at a young age, Mercy instead heads to Bay City to find her place in the world. Soon, she becomes the assistant to the town's esteemed newspaper man and finds herself the keeper of secrets concerning the disappearance of a childhood friend and the mystery of a supernatural book that could change the past. Faced with tough decisions, Mercy discovers that everyone's lives are connected by the choices they make. And she also discovers herself in the process.

Most of the story is narrated by the main character Mercy Land, and I found myself reading it in a thick, Southern accent in my head; you just can't help it! As beautiful as the language is, I felt the story line dragged on and was also quite reminiscent of Ted Dekker's Showdown in the Books of History Chronicles. I did find the name Mercy Land to be a clever allusion to the author's name and I also enjoyed the development of the characters very much. However, I must say I was a bit relieved when the story finally came to a close.

If you'd like to give this book a try, get your copy here.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”