Great Expectations
Originally Posted Thursday, October 23, 2008
You know, we all have expectations of people, whether spoken or unspoken. We expect a person who bumps into us with his shopping cart to apologize. We expect our insurance agent to call us back tomorrow like he promised. We expect doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel to have some level of compassion for a person who is ill, or to at least fake it with some decent bedside manner. We expect a friend to return our call. We expect our mail carrier to deliver the mail each day, the trash people to pick up the trash on trash day, and a United States Senator running for president to be qualified, honest, and have a love and loyalty for our country (let's say an example of this loyalty would be to join in the Pledge of Allegiance at the very least, and support our armed forces or try to avoid friendly relationships with domestic terrorists at the most...but let's not get off topic here). The point is, we all depend on other people to behave a certain way. Pretty normal to feel that way, I'd say.
Where I have problems with expectations, is when I begin to allow the fulfillment of my expectations of other people to dictate my behavior, my thoughts, my emotions, and even my spiritual life. As much as I dislike having to depend on others, my chronic illness makes it impossible not to do so. Because I cannot drive, I have to depend on others to take me to doctor visits, hair appointments, to the bank, or to the grocery store. Also because of my physical illnesses, I have to depend on someone else to provide for me financially, to help care for me when I am acutely ill, and even at times to help me with basic, everyday activities most people can handle on their own such as going to the bathroom, making something to eat, or getting from one room to another. For a very independently-spirited person, this is very frustrating and humbling, I can assure you. I have gotten better at asking for help as my health as gotten worse, but it's never easy.
When I expect a certain level of understanding, kindness, and compassion toward me and my illness from those I love, and that expectation is not met, I am hurt. Deeply hurt. I retreat to solitude, I put up walls of isolation to protect me from future hurt, and I make a large mental note not to put myself in a situation where I could be hurt by that person again. Often, I even expect that person to realize their mistake, apologize, and work hard not to hurt me again. But people do not operate on my expectations...even the people I love or respect the most. It's not wrong to feel hurt or sad or angry or disappointed. God created us fully equipped with those emotions, and you can bet that Jesus felt those same emotions Himself when He was here on earth. When it becomes a stronghold, though, is when I allow that hurt to define my own behavior. The Bible commands us to love, pray for, do good to, and bless those that behave wrongly toward us. And it's really, really hard. It might even be impossible without yielding to God's Spirit inside us.
But as hard as it is to love and forgive when you've been wronged or disappointed, I find that there's something even more difficult for me: not seeking my own happiness and satisfaction in the behavior of others. It's like a song one of my former pastors used to sing to illustrate this very point, "Sometimes I'm happy; sometimes I'm blue. My disposition depends on you." But how true that can be in my own life! When I seek for my satisfaction of life in the ability of other people to meet my expectations, I am setting myself up for disappointment. People are human, they are naturally self-centered, and they definitely aren't always at their best. My friends may not always be there to encourage me or help me when I'm having a difficult time. My family members may not call me when I'm ill or in the hospital for a long period of time. My pastor, Sunday School teacher, or deacon may never come to visit or even send a card. My husband may not show me the affection and tenderness I need. These things all disappoint me greatly and sadden me deeply. But I can't live any kind of productive, God-honoring life if I let the let-downs keep on keeping me down.
The only way to do this is to find Someone I can always depend on; Someone I can always trust to be there for me, to show me compassion, to give me affection, and to be a good listener; a Friend who is never too busy to talk to me when I need to rant about something that bothers me; Someone who loves and accepts me when I don't look, feel, or act my best; Someone who is consistently faithful, good, and loving to me; Someone who fills my heart and my deepest need. And I only know One who could ever satisfy these high expectations: my Savior and my Friend, Jesus.
My dad and I used to sing this Southern Gospel song, and the message resonates with me more and more as I experience more of this life:
"I've never been disappointed in Jesus.Doubt has never crossed my mind, for in Him no fault I find.I've been discouraged with my family, forsaken by my friends; But I've never been disappointed in Him."
