Setbacks

People with chronic illness know this well: Just when you think you've got a handle on one aspect of your illness, another crops up to throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing. I've recently had a setback with my thyroid disease because I finally was able to convince my doctor to treat me for adrenal fatigue. It's common for people who have gone for years without a proper diagnosis of thyroid disease and/or those who were on a T4 only medication like Synthroid or Levoxyl to develop adrenal fatigue. I've known for years that my adrenals were causing me problems and contributing to my cataplexy, fatigue, and even excessive sweating. But convincing your doctor of that is another matter.

The new doctor at my primary doctor's practice is much more open to suggestions than other doctors I've seen, especially if you bring her some information to back up your theories. I had been trying to get my doctor to run my Reverse T3 for almost a year now, especially after I stopped losing weight on Armour and began having some hypothyroid symptoms again. This new doctor agreed to run it, and we quickly concluded that my body is not absorbing and utilizing the thyroid hormone that I'm taking, which is why I'm not losing weight, why I'm feeling so tired, why I get huge cracks in the heels of my feet, and why it makes perfect sense that my adrenals are failing too. I'm trying not to be annoyed that almost a year was wasted while my know-it-all doc ignored me, and focusing instead on feeling hopeful that this new doc is willing to treat my adrenals with hydrocortisone (HC).

But it's not easy treating the adrenals, let me tell you. For one thing, we're both at the mercy of piece-meal information. The 1st edition of the Stop the Thyroid Madness (STTM) book says to gradually increase your HC up to the proper dosage. But that would give me these incredibly sickening adrenalin rushes, kind of like the feeling you get after you've run a mile as fast as you can. So I asked people on the STTM Facebook page, and the author told me there had been a revision to the book advising you to begin at the full dose right away to avoid the adrenalin rushes. Ugh. So I started over again.

Then my Armour started making me sick. I would get these horrible gut-wrenching stomach pains, along with severe nausea right after I took my Armour. That's when I was advised to cut back on my thyroid meds. So now I feel terrible because I'm on the wrong dose of Armour. I started having one of the worst hypothyroid symptoms that I haven't experienced in almost two years: digestive issues. That's a polite way of saying that I have to run to the bathroom at a moment's notice. So now I'm carrying ginger root capsules around with me 24/7 like the pre-Armour days. I was told swallowing my HC with apple cider vinegar would help cut down on the stomach issues. Nope. The last time I tried that, I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut; and it felt like that ALL DAY LONG. I'll just stick with the ginger root, thank you.

To make a long story long-ish, I'm feeling a little frustrated and discouraged right now because I've essentially had to make myself feel sick in order to make myself feel better. I'm sure that makes sense in some realm of reality, but right now it just ticks me off. I have the energy of a slug and the personality of a porcupine being poked with a stick. So I just keep muttering this mantra under my breath: "A setback is a setup for a comeback. A setback is a setup for a comeback." Now where are those ginger capsules...

Memories

I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss.

Or at least, that's what I tell people. Actually, I have narcolepsy. And one of the symptoms I experience from the disease is automatic behavior. The best way to describe that is my brain takes little naps throughout the day while my body is still able to function somewhat normally. You may be having a seemingly routine conversation with me, but I probably won't recall it later. There are entire blocks of time for which I have no memory. Family members and friends will refer to something I said or a fun activity we enjoyed, and I will have no idea what they're talking about. I once washed, dried, folded, and put away a load of laundry and spent hours the next day trying to find my pile of dirty clothes.

But lately it's just been getting scary. I've been leaving the stove burners on for hours, forgetting to shave one of my armpits, and forgetting to finish things I started - not knowing they weren't finished. I even answered a business call the other day where the person told me her name and I followed up immediately with, "May I ask who's calling, please?" I'm starting to feel like an elderly person with dementia that shouldn't be left alone.

But this morning I discovered a horrifying new aspect to my automatic behavior: sleep eating. When I walked into the living room this morning, there were crumbs all over the place - I walked through a big pile of what appeared to be chocolate cake crumbs, and there were crushed crackers all over the chaise lounge. While I was getting angry at my husband for making a mess I suddenly remembered a dream I had last night. I dreamed I had fallen asleep on the chaise and woke up with a piece of cheese stuck to my chest and crackers stuck to my thighs. *Light Bulb!*

So my next thought is, "How long has this been going on?" I drastically changed my diet last year to eliminate grains, sugar, and other foods that feed fungus in the body. I lost over 40lbs and greatly improved my chronic health conditions. But then the weight loss came to a crashing halt. I had my metabolism tested, I keep insisting to my doctor that my thyroid must still be off, and I've had some relapse in my health. Is it because I'm eating God-only-knows-what while I'm asleep? You've got to be kidding me.

I guess I need to put locks on the fridge and pantry at night. And get an alarm that warns my husband when I get out of bed. This is getting ridiculous! Anyone have any other ideas? P.S. If you give me a great idea, don't be offended if I don't remember it later. :) I wish I were joking.

Jay Cutler's New PR Girl?

Anyone who knows me is clear that I am not a Chicago Bears fan. And I'm not a Jay Cutler fan. And maybe everyone is finished eviscerating Jay Cutler for getting hurt in the NFC Championship game and then not continuing to play or not "acting injured enough" on the sidelines afterwards. But I'm still angry, and NOT at Cutler. Who do these people think they are to say he should have gone back into the game, despite what was later diagnosed as an MCL tear? I have had my fill of people telling ME about MY chronic illnesses and how I should behave and feel in the midst of them. This includes family members, doctors, pastors, and friends. I actually live inside my body and experience what it is like to have chronic illness that interferes with my life 24/7. And I've been doing it for over 17 years! I might know a little bit more about what I can handle and what my limitations are than other people.

First of all, I have personally injured my MCL, ACL, and LCL multiple times in my life. If you haven't had an injury to a knee ligament, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. It is very painful, and for the first hour or so after the injury, you may feel nauseated, dizzy, and disoriented. Depending on the severity of the injury, you may be able to stand or bear some weight on the leg, but you can't pivot or shift your weight. And a partial tear is much easier to recover from then a more severe tear. So if you have a tear, you're an idiot to go back out there and injure yourself worse, possibly ending your career.

Secondly, Jay Cutler has diabetes. For a diabetic to be a professional athlete is a feat in and of itself. My husband has been a diabetic for over 30 years, and I've been a part of his life for half of that time. A diabetic's body operates completely different than a healthy person's, and small things can have a huge effect. A sudden injury can even suddenly bring on insulin shock due to stress, adrenalin, etc. Could this have something to do with why Cutler appeared to some to be "disengaged" on the sidelines after his injury?

The point is, you don't know what's going on with someone else's body. I've borne the brunt of the most ignorant comments and thoughtless questions about my chronic illnesses. People want to know why I don't "just" exercise or eat less since I'm overweight. Little do they know that I gained 70 lbs in 6 months from one narcolepsy medication, had untreated or improperly treated thyroid disease for 15 years, my body produces 5 times the amount of insulin it's supposed to in response to food - which causes me to store food as fat rather than burning it as energy, and when I perform mild physical exercise like standing or walking for short times and distances my muscles go limp suddenly due to cataplexy. Not to mention that I eat healthier than 99% of the population. You skinny people would DIE if you had to eat the way I need to just to have the energy to bathe and dress myself!

Why don't I drive? Why don't I have a job? Why don't I attend 12 church services a week? Why isn't my house clean and my laundry done? Why don't I have children...do I not like kids? Why do I need a wheelchair to go to a mall or ballpark? It's GOTTA be that I'm just too fat and lazy, right? After all, I'm "too young" to have all these health issues. I'm probably faking it for attention. Or maybe I'm just depressed. Probably I'm not right with God. And I don't have enough faith to be healed. Blah blah blah blah blah.

The bottom line? We can't look at someone and know what's going on "under the hood." And it's really none of our business unless we really care enough to be a part of that person's life as an encourager, a helper, a real friend, and a prayer warrior. If you're just a critic who attacks people because it makes you feel better about yourself or an "armchair quarterback" who didn't have what it takes to make the playoffs, just keep your mouth shut. I say this with all the love of Jesus and a healthy dose of plain truth. Sow some seeds of kindness and compassion. You never know....some day you or someone you love may have an injury or illness. And when that day comes, you may need that harvest in your own life.

"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble." -I Peter 3:8